


Ballum One-shots

by East02End



Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: Car Accident, Drunken Shenanigans, Fear of Heights, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Movie Star AU, Mpreg, Pillow Fights!, Prostitute AU, hostage, stabbed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22712428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/East02End/pseuds/East02End
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin!I’ll dedicate them to people if you’ve asked for them!I’ve had a great response and loads of request for my sexy times fic, so I thought I’d keep this going.If anyone wants to send me requests, feel free too! I don’t care if their happy, sad, whatever! I’ll do prompts, lines you want in it, mpreg, certain things you want them to do? Anything!———————————————————LATEST: For Hannah & voracious_reader70! XTake Me In Your Arms———————————————————
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 216
Kudos: 130





	1. In Sickness And In Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was requested by Smugdendingle.
> 
> Callum looks after Ben.
> 
> It wasn’t meant to be that long, but I was in a writing mood and just kept writing! It’s probably way too long but hey ho! 
> 
> Hope it’s what you wanted. Enjoy! 😊

Ben groaned to himself, shuffling closer to Callum under the duvet, feeling sick. He thought it was still his hangover from the night he took Callum out to the Albert but he’d been feeling weird all day yesterday too and Callum seemed fine having finally got over his hangover. 

He wrapped his arm around Callum’s waist, pressing himself further into Callum trying to get back to sleep. 

He was still awake hours later, very early in the morning, feeling even worse. 

Callum kissed Ben’s hair, burying his nose in it. 

“You okay, baby? Your very restless.”

Callum looked at Ben squeezing his eyes shut, making little whining sounds. 

“Are you hurting?”

“Feel sick.” He mumbled. 

“Arr, no. Do you what me get you anything? Water? Painkillers? A bucket?”

Ben shook his head, trying to get as close to Callum as possible, nearly all of his body touching Callum’s.

“I just want you.”

Callum kissed his forehead, wrapping his arms further around Ben. 

“You’ve got me darlin’, I’m right here. Promise me you’ll let me know if want anything? Absolutely anything. I’ll get it for you.”

“Promise...” He whispered. 

“Try and get some sleep, it’ll make you feel better.”

“Can’t. I’ve tried for hours.”

Callum pulled him closer, stroking gently down his back, trying to soothe him and make him sleepy. 

“Shut your eyes and think about something happy or good instead of thinking too much about feeling sick.”

“You make me happy.” He whispered. 

Callum smiled to himself, holding onto Ben even tighter.

“I’m sure you’ll feel better when you wake up again.”

“Hope so...”

Callum held onto Ben all night still not sleeping much, wriggling a lot in his arms, whimpering to himself every so often. 

He hushed him, letting him know he was safe. 

Ben woke up a few hours later, Callum still holding onto him. 

“How you feeling now?”

“The same...” 

Callum sat up, pulling Ben in between his legs, so he rested his head on Callum’s chest. He felt Ben’s forehead, feeling too warm. 

“Are you cold?” He asked as Ben was shivering underneath him. 

“No, I feel like I’m sitting in a sauna.” 

“Oh, darlin’ I think you’ve got a fever.”

Ben groaned to himself burying his head into Callum’s chest, trying to stop himself from shaking. 

“I’ll look after you. You stay there, I’m just gonna go get you some painkillers, think I left ‘em in the living room from when we were drunk.”

“Thought it was still the hangover, but I’ve felt weird since yesterday. I only felt a little queasy, but now I feel sick.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have looked after you then too.”

“Didn’t want you to worry...”

“Please, let me know next time, I want to look after you.”

Ben nodded, letting Callum lift him up placing him back down gently on Callum’s pillow as he slid out of bed. He buried his nose further into the pillow, breathing in his scent.

“Don’t move.” Ben smiled at Callum being stern. 

Callum left Ben, walking into the living room moving everything off the coffee table, trying to find the painkillers, going straight back to the bedroom when he found them. 

He turned around, knocking on the bathroom door, when he saw Ben wasn’t in bed. 

“Ben? You okay?”

“No...” He moaned. 

“I’m coming in?” He waited for a few more seconds, before opening the bathroom door walking in slowly, closing it behind him again. He kneeled down next to Ben rubbing his back, with his head over the toilet. 

“Have you been sick?”

Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut.  
“You don’t need to sit with me, it’s not the prettiest sight.”

“I want to. Your always beautiful to me.”

Ben smiled, it vanishing quickly as a wave of nausea washed over him. 

They both sat there for a while, neither man speaking, Callum still stroking down his back, as Ben whined to himself. 

He sat back up, resting his head against the wall, closing his eyes, Callum shuffling round and sitting next to him. 

“Why don’t you get back into bed? I can bring you a bucket instead of you keep getting up. You’ll make yourself even more dizzy if you keep getting up and down.”

Ben nodded, but still didn’t move. Callum stroked Ben’s hair back away from his eyes, curling his fingers around Ben’s hand resting on the floor. 

“Can you get me some water?”

“Course I can.” Callum stood back up instantly, disappearing into the kitchen, hearing Ben throw up again. He thought Ben only asked him for the water to get rid of him, so he didn’t hear, but he heard him anyway, being sick multiple times. 

He sat back down next to him, placing the glass of water next to himself. Ben leaned back again, not realising that Callum had come back in. 

“Sorry...”

“What for?!”

“You hearing me being sick.”

“Don’t be sorry, Ben! Your ill, I want to look after you. You okay to go to bed?”

Ben nodded making to stand up, feeling shaky. Callum wrapped his arm around Ben’s waist holding him up. 

“I feel like I’m gonna faint.”

“Do you want to sit back down?”

Ben nodded, but braced his hand on the wall instead, taking deep breaths, the room spinning. 

“Are you sure your okay? You don’t look too good.”

Ben ignored him, his hand slipping from the wall as a wave of nausea hit him, blacking out. Callum caught him in his arms, taking the full weight of him making sure not to drop him.

He didn’t know what happened but Ben woke in the middle of the bed, Callum sitting on the edge stroking his hair slowly. 

Ben smiled weakly at Callum, closing his eyes again when a wave of nausea washed over him again.  
“How’d you get me in here?” He asked, still with his eyes closed. 

“Carried you.”

“Carried? Probably took you ages.”

“Your not even heavy, Ben.”

“Thanks for bringing me here though.”

He thought Callum spoke to him, but his eyes became heavy again as he fell asleep.

Callum was still sitting there, running his hands through Ben’s hair when he woke up again. He whined to himself when he felt sick again. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked. 

Ben groaned to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Not good?” Callum asked. 

Ben shook his head, hooking his hand in Callum’s free hand. 

“Do you feel tired still? You slept for three hours.”

Ben nodded, opening his eyes, looking at Callum. 

“You need rest, you’ll be okay in a few days. I just think you’ve got a bug or something.”

“I feel terrible.”

“I know darlin’. I wish I could do something, but there’s not much I can do. You didn’t have these earlier.” 

He gave Ben some painkillers and a fresh glass of water, the coolness of it making him feel a little better. 

“I just felt all lightheaded then fainted.”

“That’s cos you didn’t eat much yesterday either, you’ve probably got really low sugar levels. I think that’s why you fainted. Just try and get some rest. I’ll leave the bathroom door open, incase you need to get there quick enough, but I’ve left a bucket next to you as well.”

Callum leaned down kissing his hair, lacing his fingers back through Ben’s hair, stroking him gently. 

“Love you.” Ben told him. 

“I love you.” He whispered, watching Ben’s eyes grow heavy trying to shut. 

Callum still held his hand and stroked Ben’s hair when he finally fell asleep. 

Callum walked back into the living room, leaving the bedroom door and the bathroom door open, incase he needed to be sick again.

He made himself some coffee, trying to be as quiet as possible, aware the bedroom door was open, so Ben was more likely to wake up. Ben was still restless anyway, Callum could hear him wriggling and tossing himself around in bed from the kitchen. 

He looked up when someone ran up the stairs to the flat. 

“Stuart!” He hissed. “Ben’s asleep! Be quiet!”

“What’s he doing in bed at this time of day? It’s nearly lunch time. Thought you were meant to be at work today too?”

“He’s ill! I’ve not gone in today cos I want to look after him. Can’t you be quiet, he’s not sleeping well at all. He’s already restless, you’ll wake him up again, if your any louder.”

“Sorry! No need to bite my head off! I came back for my laptop, was gonna go do some paper work for Cokers here.” He grabbed his laptop from the top. 

“Cant you go do that somewhere else? He hardly went sleep last night either. Must have only had about two hours or something. He’s still restless now, he isn’t gonna sleep if your stomping around like an elephant.”

“Alright! I’ll be quiet!”

“Nono, go to the Vic or summut, you spend half your time in there anyway, get a pint, on me.” He ushered him towards the front door trying to herd him out.

“Pfft, kicked out of me own home.” He muttered but leaving anyway. 

Ben woke up a few hours later, Callum not sitting with him this time. He sat up noticing a note next to his pillow, along with some fresh water. 

‘Gone to get you some more painkillers, we used the rest when we we’re drunk!! Shouldn’t be too long. Drink the water, you need plenty of fluids! Don’t go anywhere either, you need rest! Hope you don’t feel too sick anymore.

Love always, Cal. X’ 

Ben smiled at it, drinking some of the water. It was still cold, so Callum can’t have left too long ago. 

Callum walked in slowly, sitting next to Ben on the bed, taking Ben’s hand in one and touching his forehead with the back of his hand gently with the other.

“Just feel the same. Tired, sick, aching.” He updated.

“You are a little too warm.” You stroked the side of Ben’s face lightly, smiling at him. Callum got up to leave him to sleep but Ben didn’t drop his hand. 

“Stay. I need you. I just want you to hold me.”

Callum smiled at Ben, sliding into bed behind him.

“I love you.” Ben whispered. 

“Come ‘ere.”

Ben shuffled closer to him pressing his back against Callum’s front as he rested his head on top of Ben’s, wrapping his arms around him, slowly stroking his chest, keeping him warm. 

“I love you too.” Callum whispered into his hair, pressing a kiss to it. 

Ben felt a lot better after a few days, Callum not wanting to leave him anyway. 

“Go to work, babe. I’ll be fine.” Ben told him. He’d been trying to convince him for the last half an hour. 

“Fine.” Callum huffed, he still looking unsure. 

“I promise I’ll call you if I need you.” He waved his phone at Calum putting it back in the side. 

“I’ll drop back in at lunch.”

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

“I always worry.” He smiled. 

“Go to work, Cal. I think I’m okay now.”

Callum did come back at lunchtime coming straight back home to Ben. 

“You didn’t have to make me soup on your lunch break.”

“I wanted to.” He smiled at Ben watching him eat.

“What?” He said nervously.

“Nothing. Just thinking about me looking after you all the time. Not that I want you to be ill, but I like looking after you.”

“It’s a good job, your gonna be stuck with me for a long time then. I could get used to this service.”

“You’ll still wanna be with me when I’m old?”

“Yup. I can just imagine us being married, having kids who have all left home and an dog we’ve had for years.”

Callum smiled at Ben. “You’ve given this a lot of thought haven’t you? The whole marriage and kids thing.”

“Yeah I have actually. I love you so much, Cal, I never want to be apart from you. I’ve even thought about the whole vows and everything.” He grinned. 

“In sickness and in health?” He smiled. 

“In sickness and in health.” Ben repeated grinning at him.


	2. Standing Up For What’s Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For: Floss
> 
> Ben and Callum comforting Bobby when Ian throws him out.
> 
> Sorry it took so long, I’ve been working on about a thousand other fics!
> 
> Hope it’s what you wanted. 😉

Ben walked along with Callum, gripping onto each other’s hand not sure where they were going, just spending time together. 

“Where’d you wanna go then? We’ve both got the day off, we can do whatever you want?” Ben looked at Callum but he ignored him looking over at Bobby sitting on a bench on his own. 

“Cal?”

“Eh? Sorry, what did you say?”

“What do you want to do?”

Ben found himself being pulled in the opposite direction, finally noticing Bobby sitting on his own. 

“What you doing on your own?” Ben asked. “Innit a bit cold to be sitting out here on your own?”

“I’m fine.” He didn’t look up, shivering slightly. 

“You don’t look fine.” Callum tried instead. 

“Well, I am. So Go. Away.”

“Oi! Don’t talk to Cal like that!” Ben scolded. 

“It’s fine, Ben.” Callum squeezed his hand, letting it go to sit next to Bobby. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No...”

“It might help.” Callum took his coat off, wrapping it around Bobby’s shoulders, still shivering. 

“You won’t be able to help.”

“Try me.”

Bobby sighed, looking up at Callum, pulling the coat around him. 

“It’s just Dad being a selfish git again.”

“Well that’s Ian for ya.” Ben chuckled, sitting down on the other side of Bobby. Callum glared at him, Ben shutting up instantly. 

“What happened?” Callum said instead, looking back at Bobby. 

“Kicked me out didn’t he?”

“He kicked you out!” Callum looked up at Ben willing him to do something. 

“Yeah... He hates me!” 

Callum pulled Bobby to him as he sobbed into him. 

“I doubt he hates you.”

“He does! I just want him to love me!” He whined. 

Callum shook his head at Ben. 

“Go talk to Ian!” He mouthed. 

“He won’t listen to me will he?” He whispered back. 

Callum glared at Ben, as Bobby sat back up, wiping his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. Ignore me, I’ll be fine.”

“Of course he loves you.” Callum told him. 

“You did just hear me say he threw me out?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Give it a few minutes, then go and talk to him again. He’ll have cooled off by then.”

“He won’t have. You don’t know Ian, as well as I do.”

“Ah, but I do. And you know Ian will calm down later. He’s not the type to hold grudges is he?” Ben added. 

“I know it sounds stupid cos I killed Lucy, but I just want him to be proud of me?”

“Course it’s not stupid. That was an accident.” Callum told him. 

“Remember when I told you we’d all made mistakes?” Ben added. “That time when you first come home? Well, it’s still true. No one is perfect. I’ve made mistakes, god I’ve made so many mistakes and I’m sure Cal has too.” 

“Yup. No one is gonna go through life doing everything right. We’re all bound to fall one day. You don’t need to be any different to please Ian. Just look at me, I tried being someone I wasn’t for years, my whole life even, just because I knew my dad wouldn’t like it. But look at where we are now. I’ve got a whole new family, not looking for approval from anyone.”

Ben looked up at Callum, thinking at how far he’d actually come. In denial when he first met him, but now he was sitting here giving advice to his nephew. 

“I know it’s not the same as me, but if you want to follow a religion, the you do what makes you feel okay with yourself, not want other people want you to be.”

Bobby looked up from his lap, smiling weakly at Callum. 

“I know my dad hates me cos I converted.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t. I bet he was just shocked at the decision at the time. He’ll be fine with it. He’s not gonna hate you for being who you are.”

“You don’t need to try and make anyone proud.” Ben added. “Callum kept telling me that too. I just wanted Phil to be proud, but you can’t keep looking for everyone’s approval, I tried doing that for years. You just need to be you. That’s enough.”

“Thank you. Both of you.” Bobby smiled. 

“We’re always here, if you need someone to talk to.” Ben smiled. 

“Yeah, I’ll bare that in mind.”

“Go and talk to him. He’ll have cooled off by now. Just keep a cool head and stand your ground. Don’t lash out at him, yeah? You’ll be fine. You need to stand up for what’s right.” Callum added. 

“Do you want me and Cal to come with you?”

“Nah, I’ll be alright. Thanks again.”

Bobby stood up, leaving Callum’s coat, heading in the direction of Ian’s. 

“Thank you. For helping him again.” Ben smiled, sliding over to Callum, closing the gap where Bobby had been. He picked up the coat, holding it in his lap. 

“You don’t need to thank me. He just needed a little guiding in the right direction.”

“Your amazing you know that?” He wrapped the coat around Callum’s shoulders instead, making sure he was warm, before hooking his hand in Callum’s, smiling at him. 

“I’ve been told.” He grinned. “Thank you too. I know it’s hard for you, with Phil and everything, but I think you’ve helped Bobby too.”

Ben squeezed Callum’s hand in his, resting his head on Callum’s shoulder. 

“You reckon we should go over there? Give him some moral support?” Ben asked. 

“In a minute. Let him do this on his own first. We’ll go check in on him then.”

“Yeah, don’t want him getting upset again.”

Callum smiled at Ben, kissing the top of his hair. A lot of people thought Ben never cared, but he always worried about the people he loved. 

They both sat together, for a while, sharing each other’s warmth not bothered with the cold.


	3. If Your Happy, I’m Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Smugdendingle
> 
> Ben has a cooking disaster, involving a fire.
> 
> Hope it’s what you wanted!

Since Callum had joined the police, he’d come home exhausted frequently. 

Ben just wanted to do something for Callum but of course it failed. Again. 

Callum walked in from work, hardly able to see in front of him, the flat engulfed in smoke. 

“Oh my god, Ben! What are you doing?”

He made his way slowly to him, Ben wafting the smoke alarm with a tea towel. 

“Cooking!”

“You look like your tryna burn the place down!”

Callum grabbed a towel off the side, trying to disperse some of the smoke, doing the same as Ben under the smoke alarm. 

Most of it had cleared away, Callum turning his attention to the stove instead, whilst Ben carried on.

“Ben! You’ve not even turned it off! Water! I need water!”

“Shit!” Ben turned around turning the tap on and grabbing a glass, realising he had started a fire on the stove. 

Callum turned the gas off, dragging the pan off the cooker onto the side, chucking some of the water over the flames, pulling a burnt tea towel away from the flames. 

“Oh my god, Ben, we nearly didn’t have a home then!”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to make something, but then I got sidetracked so I sort of just left it...”

“Look, you just go and sit on the sofa and I’ll clear this up.”

“No, I’ll do it! You’ve been to work all day.”

“Ben, just wait for me over there.”

“So I can’t mess this up too...” He looked at the floor, chucking the tea towel he was holding, down on the kitchen countertop. 

Callum lifted Ben’s chin up gently, getting him to look at him. 

“You haven’t messed anything up, okay? It was an accident. I just don’t want you going hurting yourself or something.” He kissed Ben lightly, taking his hand away from his chin, holding the side of his face instead. “Just let me do this then I’ll come and sit with you.”

Ben nodded, smiling at Callum. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Ben leaned up kissing him again, before going to sit on the sofa. 

It didn’t even need cleaning up. They’d already sorted the fire, and most of the smoke had gone now. He looked in the pan at what Ben had made, tasting some of it. 

“Oo, this is actually good, Ben.”

“You managed to save it?”

“It didn’t need saving. You just left a tea towel next to the stove, you doughnut.”

“Oh...”

“Just don’t put it next to fire next time.” He smiled. 

Callum dished it up, putting them both on the table, before going to sit next to Ben on the sofa. 

“I’m sorry, you didn’t need this when your exhausted and come home from work.”

“I’m fine, Ben. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I just wanted to make you something, cos you work hard all the time. Wanted to do something nice.”

“It is nice! More than nice. You always say your terrible at cooking, but your not that bad. Just maybe don’t put tea towels on fire next time.” He smiled. 

“Can’t make any promises...”

“Don’t get upset, it’s just an accident.” Callum pulled Ben to him, kissing his hair. 

“I just wanted this one thing to go right. Cos I know you stress a lot about work and everything. I just wanted to do something for you for a change. Your always looking after me, I wanted to look after you.”

“You do look after me. Thank you for thinking of me too.“

“I just stressed you out even more...”

“I’m not stressed! I only panicked a bit, cos I thought you might have hurt yourself or something. Besides, I don’t care if you burnt the place down, as long as your okay, that’s all that matters.”

Ben looked at Callum, still sniffing slightly. 

“Your amazing you know that?”

“You may have told me before.” Callum smiled. “You don’t need to get upset. It’s still lovely. All of this, what you’ve done for me.”

“When I said I got sidetracked, I was trying to make the table look nice. With all the candle and flowers stuff.”

“It’s beautiful. Your pretty amazing too. Come on, it’ll be getting cold.” 

Callum kissed Ben’s forehead, standing up. 

“Come on!” Callum held his hand out for Ben to take, even though it’d only take a few steps to get to the table. 

“Yeah, was just thinking how lucky I am to have you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m the lucky one.” 

Ben took Callum’s hand, standing up, kissing him again. 

“Are you happy?” Callum asked. 

“Course I am?”

“Then I am too. If your happy, I’m happy.” Callum smiled.


	4. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I usually write quite long ones, but this quite short for me? I don’t think it’s as good as my others, but I’ve posted it anyway. 
> 
> Let me know what you think?

“Would you just pick a film or programme and leave it on!” Callum cried. 

Ben looked up at Callum glaring at him. 

“Woah, calm down!” Ben chuckled. 

“Every time it’s gets interesting you flick the channel to something different!”

Ben was still flicking, grinning at Callum getting annoyed. 

“What?! I can’t find anything interesting enough worth watching!” Ben grinned. 

Ben lifted his head up from Callum’s lap, Callum’s hand still laced through his hair, stroking him gently. 

“Your annoying you know that?” Callum grinned. 

“You love me really.” Ben smiled up at Callum, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips. 

“Always.” Callum whispered against his lips, kissing him again.

“We could always do this...” Ben slid ontop Callum, kissing him over and over, slipping his tongue into Callum’s mouth. “This interesting enough for you?”

“Well, this is very interesting too...” Callum smiled. 

Ben held the side of Callum’s face gently, pressing light kisses to his lips.

Callum laced his hand through, Ben’s hair, pulling him as close as possible, needing more. 

“Where’s Jay and Lo?” Callum murmured in between kisses. 

“Out. With Lex.”

“Sure?” 

Ben nodded, kissing his neck, reaching in between them both holding Callum’s cock. 

Callum moaned at the first touch, Ben’s hands cold. 

“Fuck, your freezing!” 

Ben grinned at Callum, stroking him slowly. 

Ben slid down Callum’s body, dragging his jeans halfway down, groaning at his cock rubbing along Ben’s body. 

He took Callum’s cock into his mouth, licking across the tip, making Callum moan. 

“Fuck, Ben!” Callum dropped his head back over the side of the chair, arching himself up into Ben. 

Ben dived off Callum, shoving a cushion over his cock, sitting up casually. 

“What you doin’?!” Callum frowned. 

“Door!” He hissed. 

Callum dragged his jeans back up, just as Lexi ran into the room with Jay and Lola behind her. 

“What you doing back?” Callum asked. 

“Wait, why you watching the children’s channel?” Lola frowned. 

“Just flicking.” Ben added quickly, pulling a cushion over his own hard on. 

“Well, you two can have Lexi, she doesn’t feel well.” 

“Why can’t you have her, your her mum!” Ben moaned. 

“And your her dad!” 

Lexi ran over to Ben jumping in between Ben and Callum. 

Ben stroked her hair away from her eyes, feeling her forehead. 

“You are a little warm.” He frowned. 

“Hurts.” She moaned. 

“Where darlin’?”

“Everywhere. Mostly my tummy.”

Callum disappeared, Ben knowing where he was going. Going to get her medicine. 

“And you two weren’t doing anything anyway, besides watching trashy programmes. We thought we could go out if you two are in.”

Ben nodded, Lexi wrapping her arms around him, burying her head in his neck. 

“We didn’t interrupt anything did we?” Jay asked. 

“No, course not. Just flicking for something to watch.”

“Just put something on for Lexi. She’ll be fine, think it’s just stomach ache.” Lola told them. 

Callum came back sitting next to Ben, Lexi shuffling herself over and sitting on Callum’s knee instead. 

“You two go on, we’ll be alright.” Ben told them. 

“So you’ll have her?” Lola asked. 

“Course I will, she’s my daughter.”

Jay and Lola disappeared quickly, before Ben could change his mind. He wouldn’t anyway if Lexi was ill. 

Ben smiled at Callum making sure she’d had some medicine, lying down in his lap. 

“Think she’s alright.” Callum smiled. “What do you want to watch, sweetheart?”

Lexi shrugged taking the remote off Ben.

“She’s as bad as me.” Ben chuckled, resting his head on Callum’s shoulder as Lexi flicked through the channels for something to watch. 

“Hmm. She obviously gets it from you.” 

Callum kissed the top of Ben’s head, lacing his hand through his hair, stroking Lexi’s hair with his other. 

“You said no one was gonna come back.” Callum whispered into Ben’s hair. 

“That was before Lex got ill!” 

“Oh well, at least I’ve got you two.” Callum smiled. 

Ben smiled up at Callum pressing a light kiss to his lips. “Love you.”

“Love you.” Callum smiled. 

“And me!” Lexi piped up.

“We love you too, Lex.” Callum grinned. 

~*~

Callum carried Lexi upstairs to her room, placing her gently in her bed. She’d fallen asleep on him, whilst watching the Tv. 

“She okay?” Ben whispered. 

Callum shut the door to her room quietly, wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist. 

“Think so. She’s still asleep.” 

Callum leaned down, pressing a kiss to Ben’s lips. 

“Do you want to go back and watch something else?” Ben whispered, kissing Callum anyway. 

“No... I was thinking maybe we could carry on where we left off earlier?” Callum grinned. 

He walked Ben backwards towards the other room, kissing Ben’s mouth over and over on the way. 

“Sounds good to me...”

Callum pressed Ben against the door as soon as he shut it, dropping his head to Ben’s neck. 

Ben moaned, resting his head against the door at Callum kissing and licking his neck. 

“You need to be quiet.” Callum whispered. 

“I can’t help it!”

Callum grinned at Ben, pressing a hard kiss to his mouth before guiding them both to the bed. 

Ben slid ontop of Callum, running his hands under Callum’s shirt, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his mouth. 

“Beautiful you are.” Ben whispered, kissing along his jaw. 

“If you say so.” Callum smiled. He wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist, stroking down his sides. 

“And sexy...” Ben murmured against Callum’s skin. 

Callum hummed a response too busy concentrating on Ben’s mouth travelling along his shoulder. 

Ben didn’t hear the door open, Callum pushed Ben off him, smiling at the startled look on his face. 

“Lexi?! You okay, darlin’?” Callum asked. 

Ben looked over to the door, Lexi standing there, holding onto one of her many teddy’s. 

“I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you and daddy?”

Callum mouthed a sorry at Ben, because he practically shoved him off him. 

“Course you can.” Callum smiled. 

Lexi grinned at him, jumping onto the bed and shuffling in between them. 

“How you feeling now?” Ben asked her, stroking her hair away from her eyes. 

“A bit better.”

“That’s good. You just get some sleep.”

It didn’t take her long to go to sleep, Ben holding Callum’s hand across her. 

“Sorry.” Callum whispered. 

“It’s fine. It’s a good job, we weren’t naked!” Ben grinned.

“You just wait til we’re alone, next time.” Callum grinned. 

“As long as we don’t get interrupted that is!” 

Ben smiled at them both, Lexi nestled into Callum’s front as she slept, Callum smiling at him. 

“I love you both.” 

“I know you do.” Callum smiled. “And I love you two, too.”

“I don’t mind getting interrupted cos of Lex. Anything else. And I’ll just have kept going.” Ben chuckled. 

“Knowing you, you would have!”

Ben smiled at Callum reaching his other hand across the pillow to stroke Callum’s hair. 

“Go to sleep.” Ben whispered. 

Callum smiled back at Ben, wrapping an arm around Lexi, gripping onto Ben’s hand with the other. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Ben’s fingers in his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave any requests! I will do them all for you! Along with all my other fics! I like to alternate so I don’t get bored.
> 
> It can be anything! I’ve added this to the summary too, so it’s there for you to read.


	5. What Happened At Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is actually my first mpreg fic guys, so let me know what you think? 
> 
> For Anonymous 
> 
> *When Stuart beat Ben up on Pride, Ben was 6 weeks pregnant. Stuart caused him to lose the baby. Ben and Callum are now officially together and Ben is pregnant. When he stars to feel pain he breaks down and says “I can’t lose another baby Callum”. Callum rushes Ben to hospital. Luckily they are told that the baby is fine. When they get home and are snuggled up together in bed, Callum asks him what he meant earlier and Ben tells Callum everything. Callum is so angry with Stuart and they get into a fight*
> 
> Hope this is okay?? It’s probably way too long too, but hey ho! Enjoy! 
> 
> I’m still open for other requests too!

‘I ain’t scared, I ain’t ashamed and I ain’t going nowhere.’

Ben groaned to himself lying on the floor of the Arches gaining consciousness again. He’d passed out, Stuart still hurting him. 

How he’d come to regret those words. 

His nose was still flowing with blood. Various cuts still scattered across his face. Ben groaned at the shooting pains, stabbing through his side. 

He didn’t care about himself though. 

“Nonono. Please nonono.” Ben shuffled across the floor resting his back against the wall, holding onto his stomach. 

He was 6 weeks pregnant. And Stuart had just attacked him. Beat him up. Stuart didn’t know, he’d not even told Callum. He was going to surprise him at his first scan. Take Callum with him. 

Ben squeezed his eyes shut, curling himself into a ball, wrapping his arms around himself, rocking. 

Even he knew what was going to happen. He’d been kicked in the side multiple times. The baby had no chance. 

Ben whined to himself, lying down across the floor, sobbing to himself. 

~*~

Callum frowned at Ben, sliding his food around his plate. 

“Are you okay?” Callum reached across the table squeezing Ben’s arm, letting him know he was here. 

“Not hungry.” He whispered. 

“You’ve not been eating for weeks, Ben.”

“Yes, I have!” He snapped. 

“Alright! I was just saying. I’m worried about you. Your my boyfriend, Ben, it’s my job to worry about you.”

Ben sighed, hooking his hand around Callum’s. 

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

It should have been his first scan today, telling Callum he was going to be a dad. But nothing. It was just a normal day now. Callum would go to work, so would he. 

“You’ve been tired for 6 weeks? Is this because of Stuart still, when he hurt you? Cos you know I’ve had it out with him and I’m sorry that he did that to you.”

“M’fine, Callum. Stop worrying.”

Callum squinted at Ben, stroking his thumb across his hand slowly. 

“I’m okay.” Ben forced a smile. 

He knew he hadn’t been the same since his miscarriage. Trying to get through the days, silently hating himself for letting harm come to his and Callum’s baby. He should have protected him. Or her. He didn’t know. He wouldn’t have known until later on, but he didn’t get a chance. He didn’t get to experience it all with Callum. All the things they should have been getting excited about together. He even wanted to have morning sickness, so he’d know he was pregnant. He wanted the cravings, the scans, watching Callum getting excited about becoming a dad. 

Stuart had taken that all away from him. 

“Look, if it is Stuart, just forget about him, I’m still annoyed at him for what he did, but me and you are good, more than good and we’re still together, that’s all that matters. Try and think of the future, not the past.”

“Yeah.” Ben smiled. “The future.” He nodded at Callum, curling his fingers around Callum’s hand, more sure. Callum always seemed to make him feel better even he didn’t know he was making Ben happier. 

Ben stood up, walking behind Callum, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, leaning down and kissing his neck. 

“What’s this for?” Callum smiled, tilting his head to the side. 

“For being you.”

Callum wrapped his hand over Ben’s arms, standing up too. 

Callum pressed a kiss to his lips, lacing his hands in Ben’s hair, walking them both to their room. 

“I could get used to this.” Ben whispered against Callum’s lips. 

“Mmm?” Callum hummed too busy trying to get them both into the bedroom, without tripping over each other. 

“You taking me to bed, when your trying to cheer me up.”

“You were the one who was kissing my neck first.” Callum grinned, pulling away to look at Ben.

“Good point.” Ben shrugged, smiling at Callum. He pressed their mouths together again, shutting the door behind them, both of them falling onto the bed, giggling together. 

~*~

Ben smiled to himself, waiting for Callum to come home. 

He knew he was pregnant again. He could feel it. He always heard people saying they ‘knew’ they were pregnant, but he just knew too.

He wasn’t planning on getting pregnant again, but since Callum had made him see it clearer a few weeks ago, they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other. 

Ben jumped up when Callum walked through the door, dashing over to him, pressing a hard kiss to Callum’s mouth. 

Callum kissed him back, Ben licking across Callum’s bottom lip to let him in. 

They stood there for a few minutes, kissing each other lazily, Callum wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist. 

“Wow...” Callum grinned, a little breathless. “Hello to you too!”

“I’m sorry, I’m excited!!” Ben grinned, bouncing up and down. 

“Excited? What for?”

Callum chucked his keys on the side, Ben grabbing his hand, dragging him to the sofa, sitting them both down.

He wanted to tell Callum as soon as possible this time. So he had waited all day for Callum to come home from work. 

“Erm, I don’t know how else to say it, so I’m just gonna tell you...”

Callum smiled at Ben, grinning at him, gripping onto both of his hands. 

“I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant??” 

Ben frowned at Callum, searching his face. He didn’t know he was pleased or not. 

“Yeah...”

“Oh my god, your pregnant??” Callum grinned. 

“Yess!”

Callum threw his arms around Ben’s neck, rocking them both from side to side. 

“Your pregnant, Ben!!”

“I know!”

“This is amazing, Ben! Your actually pregnant!”

Ben grinned to himself, pressing a kiss to Callum’s neck. 

Ben pulled away quickly, looking at Callum, frantically searching his eyes. 

“What if something goes wrong? What if I’m terrible at it?”

“Can anyone be terrible at being pregnant?” Callum smiled.

“Yeah if people don’t look after themselves?”

Callum held Ben’s face in his hands, grinning at him. 

“Well, your going to look after yourself, so don’t worry. I’ll look after you so much, you’ll wish you never had sex with me.”

Ben snorted, pressing a kiss to Callum’s lips, holding his hands over Callum’s on his face. 

“I’ll never regret having sex with you. Your too good at it.” Ben grinned. 

Callum kissed him again, holding his hands over Ben’s stomach. 

“Your gonna be an amazing dad. Again.” He added, smiling at Ben. Lexi was like a daughter to him too. 

“So are you.” Ben smiled. 

~*~

Callum had noticed Ben had become obsessed with almost everything. 

Everything he did-

“Come on, Ben, come for a run with me. It’ll do you good getting some fresh air.”

“No! What if it hurts baby?” Ben furrowed his brow, wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

“You’ll get fat...” Callum grinned.

“Already am, so it doesn’t matter.”

Callum kneeled down in front of him, placing both of his hands over Ben’s on his stomach. 

“Come for a walk then. That’s not not gonna any harm.”

Ben shook his head, pressing a kiss to Callum’s forehead. 

“I’m fine here with baby, go for your run.” 

“We gonna call it that. Baby. You keep calling it just baby.” Callum smiled. 

“No, I’ve got a few names?”

“Come for a walk and tell me then?”

“I’m okay here with baby!”

Callum sighed, leaving on his own. Ben just didn’t want to hurt their baby, wanted to keep them safe at all costs. 

Ben was picky on what he ate-

“Cake! Ah, you can’t resist cake!” Callum grinned, spinning around and holding some out for Ben.

He was on a stool at the kitchen counter, resting his head on his hands, waiting for Callum to find him something to eat. 

“Nope. Too fattening. What about something more healthy?”

“A slice isn’t going to hurt Ben.”

Ben squinted at it, Callum hoping he’d take it. 

“Nah, I’ll have something else.”

“Fine.” Callum huffed, kissing Ben’s head anyway. 

Even what he wore-

“What about these?” Callum frowned holding up some of Ben’s jeans. 

“No! There too tight around my stomach, it might harm baby.”

“Ben, no one wears jeans that tight, that they are going to hurt their baby. Come, Ben, just put them on. It’s a pair of jeans.” Callum chucked them at Ben, catching them, still standing in nothing apart from his boxers. 

“No, Cal! I can’t!” 

Callum groaned, leaving Ben to it. 

Ben sighed staring at the jeans, he couldn’t lose another baby. He just couldn’t. 

~*~

“Ow...”

“What?!” Callum looked at Ben, holding onto his stomach. 

“Just a twinge, I think.”

“Your definitely sure?” Callum held onto Ben’s waist, as he opened his eyes looking at him. 

“Go to work.” Ben smiled, pressing a kiss to Callum’s lips. He’d tried being less obsessed for Callum’s sake, not wanting to stress him out. 

“Okay...” Callum looked over Ben one last time, making sure he was alright. 

He knew he’d been too obsessed. But he just didn’t want anything bad to happen this time. 

Callum pressed a kiss to Ben’s lips, holding his hand over Ben’s bump, he was showing now. 

“Eat some proper food.” Callum smiled. 

“I will.” Ben nodded. He kissed Callum again, before leaving Ben at home. 

Ben smiled to himself trying to find something in the fridge to eat. 

“Ah!” Ben groaned to himself, clutching his stomach, more pains shooting through him. 

“What’s wrong with you today, eh? Your killing me.”

Ben waited a few seconds, carrying on his hunt in the fridge. 

Ben cried out at the searing pain, crossing the whole of his front. He couldn’t walk anywhere, it hurt that much, so fell down onto the kitchen floor. 

“Nononono! Not again!” Ben whined.

He reached up gripping on the countertop, tensing his body as another wave of pain, passed through him. 

“Callum...” He whispered to himself. “Callum! He’ll know what to do!”

Ben felt around on the top for his phone, only for it to be out of reach. 

“Come on! -Fuck!” Ben cried out. It felt like someone was kicking him again. 

Ben closed his eyes, whimpering to himself, holding onto his stomach. 

“Pleasepleaseplease.” Ben tried to drag himself off the floor, dropping back down again, when it made the pain worse. 

~*~

“Ben?!”

Callum frowned, looking round the flat, the fridge door still open. 

“Thought I’d come check on you on me lunch?”

“Cal...” Ben whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Callum walked over to the fridge shutting the door, glancing at Ben on the floor. 

“What the fuck, Ben!!”

Callum rushed over, dropping to the floor next to him, brushing Ben’s hair out of his eyes. It seemed to stay back he was that sweaty, panting in the corner. 

“What happened?!”

“Don’t touch me!!” Ben cried. “You might hurt the baby!”

“I won’t. You need to go to the hospital, Ben!”

“I can’t!” Ben whined. “It hurts!”

“You can, darlin’. We just need to get you up.”

“ICan’tICan’tICan’t!” Ben shuffled over to Callum now, throwing his arms around him. 

“I just need you to help me get you up.”

“Not I cant do that! I meant, I can’t lose another baby, Callum! I can’t do it all over again!” He shouted. 

“Another? Again? What are you in about, Ben?!”

Ben gripped onto Callum’s arm tightly, hurting Callum slightly, but he didn’t care. He was too busy trying to get Ben up, panting in Callum’s arms. 

“Just hurry up!! I can’t lose this baby!!”

Callum frowned at Ben, managing to pull them both up. 

Ben buried his head in Callum’s neck sobbing into him. 

“Ssh, it’s all gonna be okay...”

“You don’t know that! I can’t do it again, Cal! I can’t!”

“Your in shock.” Callum told him. “We’ll get you to the hospital, they’ll know what’s wrong.”

“Hurry. Up. Callum!!”

“I am! I am!”

Callum managed to get Ben to the car, Ben whining all the way. 

Ben had scans and a checkup, Ben gripping onto Callum’s hand beside him. Callum held both of his hands over Ben’s, his gaze looking over Ben lying on the bed next to him. Ben squeezed his eyes shut knowing it was happening again, trying to hold back a fresh wave of tears. 

Ben opened one eye, hearing someone, pushing himself up properly when the doctor appeared.

“I’ve lost the baby, haven’t I?”

“No, you haven’t actually. The baby is fine.”

Ben choked out a sob, Callum standing up and pulling Ben to him. Ben sobbed into Callum, relief flooding through him. 

“You have been putting your body under a lot of stress, Ben. You are stressed. It wasn’t the baby causing those pains, it was just around your body. Have you been doing anything different lately?”

Ben turned his head, to look at the doctor, Callum still holding his head against his chest. 

“Erm, I’ve been watching what I eat?”

“You shouldn’t change your diet completely. It can put too much strain on your body. You’ve been stressed that much, your making yourself ill.”

“So I’m a bad parent cos I’m trying too hard? I didn’t want to be a bad parent and not look after myself! I’ve gone the opposite way!”

“Your gonna be amazing, you already are.” Callum whispered, kissing the top of his head and stroking the side of his face. 

“He won’t even wear jeans, cos he thinks it might harm the baby?” Callum told the doctor. 

“It might!” Ben protested. 

“Take it easy for a bit. But unless you wear jeans that are ten sizes too small, they aren’t going to harm the baby. But try to do normal things from now on. Eat properly. Light exercise. Enough sleep. But your baby is fine, Ben.”

Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Callum’s waist. He buried his nose into Callum’s shirt, breathing him in. 

“I told you, you’d be okay...” Callum whispered, pressing a kiss to Ben’s hair.

“I want to go home...” Ben whispered. 

Callum pulled Ben off the bed pulling him into a hug. 

“You need to start looking after yourself properly, Ben...”

“I will.” Ben nodded. 

“We’ll get you home, then I think you should go to bed for a bit. You’ve had a stressful day.”

Callum drove Ben back to the flat, still thinking about what Ben said before. Can’t lose another baby?

They drove in silence all the way home, Callum getting Ben to bed when they got in the flat. 

Callum stroked Ben’s hair, standing beside the bed. 

“Stay for a bit?” Ben smiled.

Callum nodded, walking round the other side, and sliding under the duvet next him. 

They didn’t say anything for a while, Ben closing his eyes as Callum stroked his hair and the side of his face as he tried to go to sleep. 

“Have...” Callum hesitated thinking Ben was asleep. “Have you had a miscarriage before?” Callum whispered. 

Ben ignored him, keeping his eyes closed. 

“I know your not asleep.” Callum smiled. “I can tell. Stop pretending. Talk to me, Ben.”

Ben opened his eyes slowly, searching Callum’s face. 

“What did you mean earlier when you said you can’t do it all over again?”

Ben looked at Callum for while, still stroking his face. 

“It’s... it’s happened... before...”

“When?” 

Callum spoke so softly, encouraging Ben to open up. 

“Must be about 15 weeks ago or something. I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time. I was gonna tell you at the first scan, but I didn’t get a chance...” 

Callum wiped Ben’s tears away with his thumb. 

“Is this why you’ve been weird for weeks?”

Ben nodded, slowly, sniffling to himself. 

“And why you’ve been so obsessed with everything?”

“I didn’t tell you incase something like this happened. I’m not obsessed as such, just careful. I didn’t want it to go wrong again...”

“Why didn’t you tell me... I would have wanted to be there for you...” Callum whispered. He stroked his thumb across Ben’s cheek gently. 

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, I’d lost your child. I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you, you had a right to know. I just couldn’t cope knowing you’d be feeling exactly what I was. I couldn’t be the cause of all that hurt and pain.”

“It’s not your fault-“

“I’m so sorry, Cal! I couldn’t protect our child!”

Callum pulled Ben to him, burying his head in Callum’s chest, sobbing into him. 

“Hey, this isn’t your fault!”

“It was!” Ben whined, choking out his sobs. 

“Ssh, your okay...” Callum whispered, rubbing down his back, pressing small kisses to his hair. 

Callum held onto him, until his tears subsided, wiping his eyes for him. 

“I didn’t want you to be feeling so sad, so I never said anything. I thought it’d be easier. But I know I need you. I can’t do this without you, Cal.”

“Your not going to have to, cos I’m gonna be right here every hour of everyday.”

Ben nodded, smiling weakly at Callum. 

Callum held Ben in his arms for a while, hushing him, trying to calm him down. 

“Do you know why?” Callum whispered. 

Ben nodded, closing his eyes. 

“Erm, it was going well until...”

Callum kissed Ben’s hair, holding him close. 

“Erm, you know Pride, when Stuart found out about us?”

Callum nodded so Ben carried on. 

“I think I lost the baby cos... he attacked me...”

Callum pulled back, searching Ben’s face, his eyes glazed over. 

“What when he attacked you in the Arches?! That was the same time? He did this to you?!”

“I don’t know! I might have lost it anyway.”

“No you wouldn’t Ben. He’s done this.” Callum quickly pulled Ben back to him, wrapping his arms around him, tighter. “I’m sorry...” He whispered. 

“It’s not your fault either.”

“No, it’s Stuart’s...” He whispered. 

Callum squeezed his eyes shut, both of them crying together at what they lost.

~*~

Ben groaned to himself, calling Callum for about the fiftieth time, the following morning. 

“Callum? Where are you?! Your only said you were gonna get some chocolate for me? You’ve been gone ages? Can you just call me back please or just come home! Your scaring me now.”

Ben sighed, grabbing his coat, going to find him anyway. 

Callum spotted Stuart heading to the café, heading straight over to him. 

“I hope your pleased with yourself?!” He called. 

Stuart turned around at Callum’s voice, staggering backwards at Callum punching him. 

“What the fuck, Callum!”

Callum grabbed the front of Stuart’s shirt, pushing him against the wall.

“What are you doing?!”

“What the hell were you thinking, eh? Why did you attack, Ben!!”

“Come on, Callum that was ages ago! I’ve already apologised!”

“You killed my child!”

“What are you on about, Callum?!” Stuart frowned. 

Stuart pushed him off, only for Callum’s to shove him back against the wall.

“Ben was pregnant!!”

Stuart’s face stopped, realising what he’d done.

“You sorry now?!”

“Callum...”

“No! I lost a child because of you!”

“I’m sorry!”

“No!” Callum punched the wall, Stuart looking shocked. Callum was never the angry type. “No, you aren’t...” He whispered. “You still hurt Ben, even though I told you to leave it, I wanted to do things my way and you had to go and mess things up. We should have been happy, excited but YOU took that away from us.”

He bunched his fists, into Stuart’s shirt, letting his tears fall. 

“You took it away from me...” He whispered. 

Stuart took Callum off him, sobbing to himself. 

“I’m sorry, I am...”

“No you aren’t!!” He shouted. He pushed Stuart away from him, against his chest. 

“YOU hurt Ben. Do you know how much he’s been hurting cos of it all?” He smacked his hands against Stuart’s chest, pushing him back again. “Not just cos YOU beat him up!” He pushed again. “Because YOU took our baby away from us!” 

“Callum, stop!” Callum ignored Ben’s voice, slamming Stuart against the wall. 

“I hate you!” Callum shouted. 

Ben wrapped his arm around Callum, trying shrug him off to get to Stuart. 

“This is another reason I didn’t tell you, Cal!”

“Go home, Ben!”

“No! Not until you get off him!”

Callum loosened his grip not wanting to hurt Ben again.

Ben pulled him off, Callum sinking to the floor, sobbing to himself, Ben wrapping his arms around him as Callum broke down in his arms. 

“I hate you! IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou...” He whispered over and over again. 

“Ssh...” Ben hushed, stroking his hair. “Your okay...”

“He did it, Ben! He did it. He killed our baby...”

“I know...” He buried his fingers in Callum’s hair, looking up at Stuart. “Just go. He’ll calm down later. He’s grieving.”

“I’m sorry...”

“Go!” 

Ben held Callum to him, whining to himself. 

“I know it hurts, but were gonna get through it together.” He pressed a kiss to Callum’s hair, holding his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles too, where he’d punched Stuart and the wall. “Come home, Callum. I’ll clean your hand up for you. It looks sore.”

“I know your pregnant now, and I’m happy, but that was our child, Stuart took away from us. I just feel so angry too...”

“I know, I don’t want you to be hurting though.”

“Course I am, he hurt you and he hurt me too in the process. I swear I’m going protect you both. I’m not gonna get let anything bad happen to either of you again.” Callum held Ben’s hand, holding his hand over Ben’s stomach with his other. 

“I know you will...” Ben smiled. “Where’s my chocolate anyway? You promised me chocolate.”

“I didn’t get any.” Callum smiled weakly, at Ben trying to cheer him up, looking up at him. “I went to find Stuart.”

“Yeah well, I’m pregnant so you have to get me what I want.”

Callum nodded smiling a little more now. 

Ben rested his head against Callum’s, kissing him lightly. 

“You need to time to come to terms with this, I’ll still be here and we can work through this time together. Whatever happens.”

Callum nodded, pressing another kiss to Ben’s lips. 

Ben wrapped his arms around Callum, rocking them both slightly. They still sat on the floor together, holding each other, keeping each other safe.


	6. Missing In Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For ShipsBallumAnonymously 
> 
> *Ben is 4 months pregnant when he goes missing. Callum is getting more and more worried as the days go on with no word on Ben or his whereabouts*
> 
> I didn’t know whether you wanted this to be heavily mpreg related but I feel like there wasn’t enough in it, to post it on my mpreg fic, so I posted it on this one instead. I hope this is okay for you? Tell me otherwise!

Callum frowned at his phone, staring at the messages he’d sent to Ben. He hadn’t heard from him in a couple of hours, Ben knew he worried, especially now he was four months pregnant. 

He pressed his phone to his ear, walking in the direction of Lola. 

“Ben, can you call me back please. I just want to know your okay? I haven’t heard from you in hours, you should be at home putting your feet up or something, not going walk abouts. Knowing you, your probably scouring the whole of London to find a non-alcoholic beer that actually tastes like alcohol! Anyway, Just let me know if your okay, I’m starting to get worried now. I love you.”

Callum jogged over to Lola, shoving his phone back in his pocket. 

“Lo! You haven’t seen Ben have you?”

“Not today no, sorry. Did you need him?”

“Erm, not really, I just haven’t heard from him in a couple of hours and he usually texts me. He knows I worry cos he’s pregnant.”

“It’s only been a couple of hours, he’s probably gone shopping or something or his phones died.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it. Or he’s lost it again.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll come home soon.”

Callum nodded, relaxing slightly. It’s not like Ben had been gone for days? And he usually lost his phone somewhere, Callum usually ending up finding down the back of the sofa for him. 

~*~

Ben was still nowhere to be found in the evening, Callum presuming he was still shopping or something, but he hadn’t called or text once, to let Callum know he was safe. Callum didn’t know where he was or when he’d be back. 

“Ben, come on, why aren’t you answering of my messages or calls? Have I upset or you something? I just want to make sure your safe, not hurt or anything? Please, just call me. Or better, come home. I love you, again.”

Callum sighed, sitting on the sofa, not sure what to do with himself, he was going take them both out to a new restaurant tonight, but Ben had gone AWOL on him. 

He tried ringing him again, sighing to himself, going straight to voicemail. 

“Ben, your scaring me now? You’ve been gone since breakfast, I thought you were looking forward to going out later? I’m not going without you, I’d look like a right plank sitting on me own at a fancy restaurant. Why aren’t you calling me??”

Callum closed his eyes, trying not to presume the worse. He walked slowly to the bedroom, staring at the wardrobe, not sure whether to get ready or not. 

“Please, just come home so I know your safe. It’s not just you I’m worried about... Your four months pregnant, Ben. I wanna look after you. I still love you, the other hundred times I’ve called you...”

Callum groaned, dropping onto the bed. 

Lola didn’t seem worried, maybe he was just being overprotective? 

He lay down closing his eyes, trying to work out why Ben was blanking him. If it was something he’d said or done to upset Ben. 

~*~

Callum groaned to himself, the light streaming through the curtains, into his eyes. 

He reached over to the other side of the bed, expecting to find Ben, sighing to himself. All he was met with was cold sheets and no Ben. He can’t have been back all night either, if the bed wasn’t warm. 

He quickly got changed, heading straight to the café. Surely he wouldn’t ignore his Mum too?

“Callum, you’re here early today?” Kathy smiled. 

“Yeah...” He quickly scanned the café, making sure he wasn’t just in here. 

“You alright, Love? You look a bit preoccupied?” She frowned. “Callum?!”

“Oh, sorry... You’ve not seen Ben have you?”

“Not today no, thought you were taking him out last night? Surely he’d be with you this morning?”

“Supposed to. I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning. We never went out. I’m worried about him, he never usually just goes all MIA on me?”

“Erm, actually I did see him briefly, yesterday if I remember right. Just caught him on his way to work. Was in quite a rush actually?”

“Arches or car lot?”

“Garage. I’m sure he’s not gone far? He’s probably gone on a call and stayed somewhere over night or something.”

“He would have told me though! I’m gonna see if he’s there this morning. Maybe he just left really early...”

Callum was trying to convince himself now. He was sure he’d not been in the flat all night. 

“Don’t worry.” Kathy smiled. 

Callum nodded, heading to the Arches, spotting Jay on his way. 

“Jay! I take you haven’t seen Ben either.” Callum sighed. 

“Not today? He’s probably at home, being lazy again. He hardly comes into work anyway.” Jay huffed. 

“Nobody’s seen him for a whole day! I haven’t seen him for a whole day, Jay! He didn’t come home last night! That’s not like Ben?! Why isn’t anyone worried?!”

“Your kidding? He used to go on benders for days sometimes before you. You’ve seemed to tame him.”

“Yeah but he wasn’t pregnant then?! He knows not to drink! I just want to know he’s okay?”

“Look, go check the flat first, he’s probably gone home now.”

“Why does no one care! He could be dead or something!”

“I highly doubt it, Callum.”

“Argh! I’ve just come from the flat!” Callum groaned, spinning around and heading in the direction of the garage. “I’ll find him myself then?!”

Callum made his way to the Arches quickly, ignoring Jay calling after him. 

“Ben?!” He called. 

He looked around, still seeing Ben nowhere. 

“Come on, where are you?” He muttered to himself. 

He clocked onto Ben’s phone on the desk. 

Callum groaned, seeing about fifty messages from him. Ben hadn’t seen any of them. 

“Phil...”

Callum shoved Ben’s phone in his pocket, making his way to Phil’s quickly. 

“Have you seen Ben?” He asked. 

“Not for a couple of days, why what’s he done now?”

“Days! You haven’t seen your son for days?! And he’s done nothing wrong! I haven’t seen him for ages, and he’s pregnant for crying out loud!! He should be at home! And he’s missing! Why does no one care!”

“Just calm down, he’s probably not far?!”

“He’s been gone all day and all night, Phil! How can I calm down, when he’s probably hurt or worse!! Your his dad for fucks sake, you should be doing something?!”

Callum groaned, heading back out the door, checking the flat again, it was worth a try. 

~*~

Callum woke up alone again, for the next few days, Ben still hadn’t come home and he had no idea was he was. He’d spent his days trying to find him, checking the whole of Walford. It was like Ben had disappeared from the Earth. 

He looked at his phone, buzzing in his pocket, an unknown number. 

“Ben?! Is that you?”

“Cal...”

“Ben! Where the hell are you?! I’ve been worried sick, anything could have happened to you! And you didn’t take your phone with you, wherever you are-“

“Callum just shut up and listen to me.”

Callum frowned, listening to Ben breathing heavily. 

“What? Where are you?! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I need you to do what I say...”

“Has someone got you? Oh my god, where are you??!!”

“Callum! You trust me don’t you...”

“Yeah, course I do?! I just want you home. Your four months pregnant, Ben!”

“Please, just listen to me, you need to do what I say...”

“Why has someone taken you?!”

“It doesn’t matter right now-“

Callum waited for Ben but someone else spoke. 

“I’ll just speed this up shall I? Took him ages to get him to give us your number. You obviously the boyfriend. Too busy trying to protect you. Now, if you want Benny back here in one piece, your gonna get me money.”

“How much?” Callum asked instantly.

“Five grand.”

“By when?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?! Where am I gonna get five grand from by tomorrow! Why Ben?! Who even are you?!”

“If you get the money, Ben will be fine, simple as. I’m sure he can tell you the rest if you give us what I want.”

“Us?!”

“Someone’s got to keep an eye on Ben, make sure he doesn’t try and escape. We can’t have your motivation getting away, can we?”

“Don’t you dare touch him!”

“Can’t promise anything I’m afraid. Chop, chop. You haven’t got long. I‘ll meet you back at the Arches, tomorrow morning.”

“That’s not even a day!” Callum cried. 

Callum looked at his phone, groaning when they’d hung up. 

“You bastard!” 

Callum spun around, ringing another number. 

“Yes! Course it’s me?! Who else do you think it is?! It’s my number isn’t it! Look, I haven’t got time, can you do something for me?”

~*~

Callum waited at the Arches, not sure when he was supposed to be there. He’d not been given a time. 

“Ben!” 

Callum lurched forward, when a man pushed Ben forward. He stopped when they held Ben back, a knife pressed against his throat. 

“Please don’t do that! Look, I’ve got it all!”

Ben frowned at Callum, wondering how he’d actually managed to get it all within less than a day. 

Callum nodded at Ben to trust him.

“It’s all there. Five grand.” Callum told him. 

“How’d you manage to get it so fast?”

“Savings...”

“Sorry about this it’s nothing personal, well it is to Ben, but your just the closest person to him, so I had to use you really.”

“Just let him go...”

“Your gonna have to give the money to me first.”

“At the same time. You give me Ben, I’ll give you the money. At the same time.” He repeated. 

“You are clever aren’t you? Fine. At the same time.”

Callum placed the bag on the floor, placing his foot on it. 

“Go on.” Callum nodded. 

The man pushed Ben forward, so Callum kicked the bag over to the man, Ben rushing over to Callum. 

Callum wrapped his arms around Ben, cradling his head to him, Ben wrapping his arms around Callum. 

“Are you okay?” Callum whispered, watching the man check the bag. 

Ben nodded, looking up at Callum, a cut across his face. 

“That’ll be all!” The man grinned, sounding cheery. “Wasn’t so hard was it, Ben?!”

“Do one then?! You got what you wanted!” Callum glared at the man, holding Ben close to him. 

The man shrugged, taking the money and leaving.

Callum turned to Ben as soon as he’d gone, holding onto the sides of Ben’s face. 

“Are you hurt anywhere?!”

“No! Just my face.”

“What did he want with you?!”

“It was one of Danny’s people.”

“Hardcastle?”

Ben nodded. “They wanted me to do something for them, told him I wouldn’t do it. Collect some money from someone. So they took me and used you instead.”

“We need to get you to the hospital, they might have harmed the baby!”

“They haven’t! That’s why I let them take me, didn’t fight back... I didn’t want them to harm the baby. So I didn’t say anything and let them take me.”

Callum pulled Ben to him, hugging him tightly. 

“I’m sorry, you had to go through that.” Callum whispered, pressing a kiss to Ben’s hair. 

“I’m okay, honestly.”

“I was so worried, everyone seemed to think you’d be fine, but I knew something was wrong! I haven’t seen you for days, I knew you wouldn’t just disappear without a reason.”

“I’m back now. I’m sorry I left you.”

“You didn’t choose to did you?! As long as you and the baby are okay?”

“We’re fine. More to the point, how the hell did you get five grand?!”

“I didn’t.” Callum shrugged. 

“Eh? You had a large bag of money, Cal?”

“Fake. All of it. Old army mate I know, used to do it all the time for something, I dunno. I just know he’d get me some.”

Ben grinned at Callum pressing a hard kiss to his lips. 

“You are amazing, Callum Highway.”

“Not just you doing the dodgy stuff.” Callum smiled. 

Ben wrapped his arms around Callum a little tighter, not wanting to let go. 

“What if they come back?” Ben whispered. 

“I’ll be here. Well, until the baby is born. I’m sure you can look after yourself then? Bet you miss getting into fights anyway?!”

“Hey! I don’t ask to get punched you know?! Not many people like me...” Ben smiled. 

“I love you and our baby, that’s all that matters.”

“I only let them take me cos I didn’t want to harm the baby. I didn’t think you’d get the money though...”

“I didn’t!” Callum chuckled. “Come on, let’s get you home, clean your face up.” 

Ben nodded, pressing a kiss to Callum’s lips again. “Missed you.”

“I missed you just a tiny bit.” Callum grinned. 

“Oi!” Ben glared at Callum, taking his hand in his own, swinging them together slightly. 

“I’m having serious words your family though, I knew there was something wrong!” Callum huffed. 

Ben smiled at Callum, moaning to himself, following him to wherever he was going. As long as he had Callum and his baby, he was happy.


	7. Star Of The Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Floss!
> 
> *Hi I was wondering if you could do an au where Ben is famous and not out in the business side of his life but is married to callum and he wants to show him off at a movie premier.*
> 
> I’m not a fan of this one, but I hope it’s okay?

Callum leant against the doorframe to the bedroom, smiling at Ben trying to sort his hair out in the mirror. 

He still couldn’t believe how lucky he’d got. Ben was so well known to almost everyone, having starred in so many big films. Everyone wanted to see him, a price of being famous. Both men and women would follow him everywhere, not knowing he was already taken. 

He’d met Ben by chance a few years ago, at a movie premiere he’d managed to get an invite to, from a friend of a friend. 

Callum told Ben all the time that people loved him, but he always wanted to keep their love life private, convinced people would hate him if it came out he was gay. Not that Callum cared, as long as Ben was happy, he was too. 

They’d got married a few months ago, with just family, Ben convinced the media would have a field day if they found out he’d got hitched. 

Ben jumped, Callum appearing from behind him, running his hands under Ben’s still open shirt, across his chest. 

“Didn’t know you were there?” Ben smiled, tilting his head to the side giving Callum better access to his neck. 

“Even though your standing next to the mirror?” Callum pressed a kiss to his neck, smiling at Ben humming to himself, closing his eyes. 

“I was just thinking. Lost in thought I guess...”

“You look gorgeous the way you are.” Callum whispered, pressing another kiss to his neck. “Stop stressing.”

Ben cupped the side of Callum’s face in his hand, turning his head gently towards him, capturing his lips in a long kiss. 

“I love you, you know that?” Ben whispered, searching Callum’s eyes. 

“Course I do. I love you too. More than anything.”

Ben smiled at Callum, pulling Callum’s mouth back to his own, kissing him again. 

“Your amazing at these things. How many movie premieres have you been to? Like a million? You’ll be great, I promise you, don’t worry about it.”

Callum rested his head on Ben’s shoulder, looking at him through the mirror. 

“I want you to come with me...” Ben said after a while, dragging his hand through Callum’s hair.

“I can wait for you outside if you want and then we can go wherever you want.”

“No, I mean. Come with me, come with me. Like properly. I don’t want you to feel like I’m ashamed of you. I’m proud your mine.”

Callum smiled at Ben, lacing his hand around Ben’s. 

“I know your not. I get it, I do. This is a big thing for your career. I want you to do what’s best for you.”

“Say you’ll come with me?” Ben nodded. “That’s what I was thinking about before, I want you with me. And all the times after that. Please say yes?”

“Really??”

“I’m really sure, Cal. I want to show the world how amazing my husband is. You’ve been with me through so much and I’ll always be grateful for that.”

“Course I will. But only if your like a hundred percent sure. I don’t want you to do this cos you think it’ll make me happy. I’m already happy that I have you.”

“Definitely sure. And if people don’t like it, then so be it. Cos you ent getting rid of me.” Ben smiled. 

“Damn.” Callum grinned, pressing another kiss to his neck, wrapping his arms around Ben. 

“I love you so much.” Ben whispered, turning his head to kiss Callum. 

“Love you.” He smiled. “I still think I’m living some kind of dream everyday I wake up next to you.”

“Me too.” Ben sighed with content, leaning into Callum. 

“Your the big movie star, Ben, I’m just a regular person!”

“Your the only who treats me like a regular person, Cal? I know I wanted this career but it gets boring you know? Everyone’s always there? I never get to do anything on my own, but here you are. Seeing the ‘real’ me. I’ll always be grateful for that.”

Callum took his arms from around Ben, smiling at Ben looking a little lost. 

“I’m so proud of you. For everything. Being who you are, letting yourself be happy, doing what your gonna today. I’m lucky to have you.”

“I’m so glad I found you.” Ben smiled, letting Callum wrap his bow tie around his neck. 

“If I hadn’t had those tickets, I probably would never have met you.” “Don’t wanna imagine that.” “Now come on, you don’t wanna be late to your own do!”

Ben nodded grabbing another suit off the bed.

“I picked this up when I went to collect my suit. I wanted you to have a nice one.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I wanted to.” Ben nodded, hopping onto the bed. “Come on! I want to my dashing husband in a suit.” He grinned. 

~*~

“Woah, you look...” Callum smiled at Ben, standing up from the bed quickly, his eyes roving over him, not sure where to look. “Stunning.” He finished after a while. “Look at you, in a tux and a bow tie.”

“I don’t like it.” Callum frowned. 

Ben chuckled, walking over to Callum, smoothing down the lapels gently. “Neither do I. I hate wearing em to be honest.”

“Really??”

“M-h. Would rather be at home with you, wearing something comfier.”

“Or nothing and in bed if you had your way?!”

“Or that.” Ben nodded. “But you look amazing. Like my very own James Bond.”

“If you say so?” 

“You do! I’d have em all off you in a heartbeat, if we didn’t have to be somewhere.” Ben grinned, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips. 

“That a promise?” Callum whispered against his lips.

“For later.” Ben smiled, lacing his hand through Callum’s hair, pulling him closer. 

“We gonna get going today or what?” Callum grinned, kissing him again anyway. 

“Egh, fine.” Ben sighed, grinning at Callum, adjusting his bow. “You really do look perfect.”

~*~

“Shit.” Callum whispered, looking out of the window of the private car, at all the people waiting for Ben. 

Ben held his hand out, Callum lacing his hand around it immediately. 

“You’ll be fine.” Ben smiled. 

“It’s alright for you?! You’ve been to what, a million?”

“Don’t think it’s that many?! I know this is a big one but-“

“Big one?!”

“We’re doing it together. This is your first one and imma let people see who I am. I gotta say my whole damn speech thingy, still never did write it. Prob just wing it.”

“Typical you that.” Callum smiled. 

“Together, yeah?”

“Always. How do you do this, like nearly every week??”

“Ignore em all!” Ben laughed. “I can’t stand and talk to everyone, so you sorta just walk by em? I dunno, I just sort of know how?”

“You talked to me though, that night.” Callum smiled. 

“Well, I thought, woah he’s sexy.” Ben chuckled. 

“Shut up.” Callum whispered. 

“It’s true!” Ben squeezed his hand, looking out of the window. “I am sorry, you know?”

“For what?! You’ve done nothing wrong?”

“I don’t want you to be a secret? I love you and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

“I get it, really. I mean, having to deal with all these, all the time. It’s no wonder you wanted to keep it quiet.”

“I’m not anymore.” Ben smiled. “I just feel guilty cos I took my ring off the last few times. I don’t have to anymore.”

Callum smiled at Ben, stroking his thumb across the ring on Ben’s finger. 

“I put that ring on your finger for a reason and I won’t ever be taking it off again.” Ben nodded. 

“You sure about this? There isn’t no going back after this? I swear I don’t mind?”

“Never been more sure in my life. Apart from the day I married you.” He grinned. “You ready??”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Callum smiled at Ben, already getting mobbed, as soon as he stepped out of the car. It made him feel a little better, no one even taking notice of him. 

Ben held his hand out, Callum taking it, standing beside him. 

Ben ignored most of them, too busy smiling at Callum. “We’re fine, see?”

“Expect the hundred media?”

“You’ll get used to it.” Ben shrugged. 

“Mr Mitchell!” Ben rolled his eyes, looking at the reporter. “Who’s your friend?”

“Erm actually-“ Ben looked at Callum, before looking back. “Callum isn’t my ‘friend’. He’s my husband.”

Callum smiled at Ben, no hesitation at all. 

“You’ve kept that quiet?”

“I don’t want my love life to be centre stage?? I’m happy and I’d like to keep at least some of my life out the news.”

“Your sure to break a few hearts out there?” She carried on. 

“Well, I’m sorry but I’m taken.” Ben smiled, already leaving them, taking Callum with him. 

“Did anyone know you were out? Or even with someone?”

“Family, yes. And I kept it private for a reason. Looks as if everyone knows now. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m required inside.”

“This is big news?!”

“Callum isn’t news? He’s my husband and I love him, end of.”

“We’ve got loads more questions?!”

Ben ignored them all, heading inside with Callum. 

“Your so good at this.” Callum whispered. 

“You’ll get used it, I promise. I’m sorry that everyone’s following us. You never have liked attention.” Ben smiled. 

“It’s fine. I just wanna get this stupid thing off.”

Ben smiled at Callum, tugging at his bow tie, frowning to himself. 

“Much as I’d love to take it off you, I gotta mingle.” 

Callum smiled at him, taking his hand. 

“You go, I’ll go find food.” Callum grinned. 

“That’s you all over.” Ben smiled. 

“What?! I get hungry when I’m nervous?? I’ll do me and you go do whatever movie stars do?” 

“Give em this to talk about.” Ben smiled, leaning up pressing a long kiss to Callum’s lips. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Callum whispered, kissing him again. 

“I said I want to show you off and I am.” Ben grinned. 

Callum smiled after Ben, watching nearly everyone follow him around. Ben didn’t even seem fazed, turning on his usual charm, smiling at people, talking to everyone.

He still couldn’t believe how lucky he’d got, that Ben even looked at him twice. Callum wasn’t famous or a movie star? And here they were, Ben finally letting himself be happy inside and out, not a care what anybody thought. 

~*~

Callum sat down, feeling nervous for Ben, standing on the stage, people already firing questions at him, Ben answering them with such an ease. 

“You’ve really outdone yourself with this movie.” Someone said. 

“It isn’t just me though is it? I say this every time I come to these events. There wouldn’t be a film, without the other cast and crew.”

Callum smiled at Ben, always putting other people first before himself. He deserved to be happy.

“You’ve got yourself a husband now? That’s new.”

“Yes. I’m sure all of you know by now. I do have a husband and I’ll always be grateful for him.”

“Is that why you decided to let everyone know at this particular movie?”

Callum frowned at Ben, sure the film was something to do with a whodunnit thing. 

“Partly yes, I always used to film my parts and the movie was at the end. But I really connected with the character I portrayed because it pretty much summed up me. I felt like he was a part of me.”

“So this character of them coming out was effectively you?”

“Pretty much. Life isn’t just one straight road. There will be bumps or people that change it. And I wanted people to be okay with who they are. Because I found Callum and I have never been happier.”

Ben smiled at Callum, sitting at the back drying his eyes. 

“I wouldn’t be here today, if it wasn’t for Callum. I’d got into a routine of it everyday, but Callum shook it all up for me and changed everything. Take away my career, my name, everything, but take away Callum and I wouldn’t be who am I, still loving what I do.”

~*~

“Way to go, embarrassing me!” Callum frowned as soon as Ben rejoined him.

“I could have been there all day, Cal? I want to let everyone know how amazing you are.” 

Callum smiled at Ben, Ben wrapping his arms around Callum’s shoulders. 

“I thought the whole crime thingy one was the big one??” 

“That’s why I wanted you to come with me to this one. Cos what’s the point in telling people it’s okay and I’m still not letting myself be me?”

“Cos not everyone’s famous?!” Callum smiled. 

“You know what I mean. Let the media say what they want, they’ll go away eventually. I meant what I said, I have never been happier.” 

“Me too.” Callum grinned, pressing a light kiss to his lips. 

“You helped me love what I do, even more. I think I fell in love with you right from the start. You saw me, not my career, or Ben the movie guy. You just saw me.”

“And that rather dashing bow tie.” Callum grinned. 

“You’ll come with me to another?”

“Try and stop me.” Callum grinned, cupping Ben’s face gently, pressing their lips together.


	8. Deck The Halls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Gem
> 
> *As tomorrow is 01st December I wondered if you could write one where Ben, Callum and Lexi put up the christmas decorations? Please could this be extremely fluffy and involve Callum kissing and holding Ben’s waist under the mistletoe?*
> 
> I don’t know about extremely fluffy, but I hope this is okay for you?

Ben groaned, Lexi jumping onto the bed, straight on top of him. 

“Daddy! You said we could put up the tree today! Are you awake yet???”

“I am now!” 

“Come on, get up!!” She whined. 

“I meant later not this early?” 

Lexi lay on top of Ben, trying to pull the duvet off him. 

“Pleeeease?”

“Five more minutes...” Ben tried, closing his eyes. “Wake Callum up instead.”

“But he’s asleep?”

“So was I before you knocked the life outta me?”

Ben smiled at Callum, lying next to him, still holding onto to Ben’s hand. 

“A bomb could go off in here and he wouldn’t wake up?” Ben smiled. 

“Please, Daddy??”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Ben nodded. 

“Yess!” Lexi grinned, her next mission Callum, sliding on top of him instead. 

“Go back to bed, Lex...” Callum muttered, not opening his eyes. 

“Were you pretending to be asleep?” Ben grinned. 

“Shh...” Callum whispered, squeezing Ben’s hand. “S’too early...” 

“There’s no point now, your not gonna go back to bed are you, Lex?”

“Nope.” She grinned. 

Callum moaned to himself, Lexi jumping up and down on him. 

“Fine, fine, you win.” He smiled, opening his eyes, smiling at Ben. 

Ben ran his hand through Callum’s hair, loose and messy in the mornings. 

“I’d remember this peace while you can, she’ll have you running around all morning.”

“Oh well, I get to be with my two favourite people don’t I?” Callum smiled. 

~*~

“Left!” Lexi ordered. “Right!”

Ben grinned at Callum doing as he was told, moving the tree backwards and forwards. 

“It looks great, Lex?” Ben tried. 

“More to the right?!” She cried, ignoring Ben. 

Ben laughed at Callum’s eye-roll, Lexi not noticing. 

“There!”

Callum took a step back, Lexi inspecting it. 

“Now we gotta put everything on it!” She grinned. 

“Imma go put the garland thingy round the stairs, whilst you can do the lights in here with Lexi.”

“Oh, you sneaky little-“ Ben started. 

“I’m not volunteering to untangle all the lights.” Callum whispered to Ben, watching Lexi already running around the tree with the tinsel. “So I volunteered for you.” Callum grinned, pressing a light kiss on his head. 

Ben shook his head at Callum, smiling anyway, watching him disappear. 

Callum smiled to himself, Ben appearing behind him at the bottom of the stairs, wrapping his arms round Callum’s waist pressing a kiss to his neck. 

“You’ve never done the lights already?”

“What can I say, I’m an expert.” Ben chuckled. Callum turned around in Ben’s arms, draping some more garland around his neck. 

“Tell me Lexi’s not doing it right now?” Callum whispered, pressing his lips against Ben’s. 

“Fine...” He smiled. “I did some other stuff around the living room?!” 

“I know you too well.” Callum smiled, kissing him again. 

“I love you.” Ben whispered against his lips, kissing him over and over. 

“Come on!” 

Ben sighed, looking at Lexi, frowning at them both. 

“We’re sorting this out, have you done those lights?”

“All of em.” Lexi grinned, looking pleased with herself. 

Callum laced his hand around Ben’s, following them both back into the living room. 

“Right, tree decorations.” Lexi told them, rummaging through a few boxes. 

She gave them both a load of different decorations each, all of them placing them on the tree. 

“Will you bring it up to my room?” 

Callum scoffed, looking at Lexi pouting at him. 

“I’m not carrying this thing all the way upstairs. I think it’ll stay here, yeah?”

“But I want to smell it in my sleep? Don’t you think it smells nice?”

“Yes it does, darlin’, so it can stay here where everyone can smell it?”

Lexi nodded, taking some from Ben and doing them herself. 

“The star!” She cried, running over to the sofa, and holding it out for Callum. “Will you help?”

“Course I will.” He smiled, picking her up. 

Ben smiled at them both, Lexi reaching over and placing it gently on the top, trying to make it perfect. Callum placed her down gently, Lexi trying to find even more decorations.

Callum walked over to Ben and rung his arm around his waist, pulling his body close to his own, Ben resting his head on Callum’s shoulder. 

"It looks amazing.” Ben smiled, Lexi clapping her hands happily. “Can we please stop decorating for the day though? I’m exhausted.” 

“Think we’ve finished.” Callum nodded.

“Can I go write my letter to Santa?” Lexi grinned at them both. 

“Course you can.” Ben smiled, watching her run out the room upstairs. “You were helping Lex with the star, thought I’d add a decoration of my own.” Ben grinned. 

“What’s that then?”

“Look up.”

Callum did as he was told, smiling to himself, at the mistletoe hanging between them. 

“How convenient.” Callum whispered, looking back at Ben. 

“What?? Can’t help it if we’re standing in this exact position.”

“It’d be rude to ignore Christmas traditions...” Callum whispered, smiling at Ben, wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him as close as possible. 

Ben didn’t know how he got so lucky. Neither of them were completely perfect, but that's what he liked about it. Callum could make him laugh, cry, and even make him angry at times, but even through all of the tough times they had been through together, Ben had never stopped loving him. 

Callum was his imperfect angel, through and through.

“We don’t wanna break any traditions then...” Ben whispered, pressing his mouth against Callum’s, Callum holding onto his waist a little tighter, kissing him back.


	9. Selling Yourself To The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For guest
> 
> * “You think I wanted to go back to that? That I wanted to go back to picking up blokes and have them crawling all over me? That I wanted to go back to selling myself? I needed money and it was the only way, I had no other choice Callum” — Prostitute!!Ben AU. Now I really don’t know why but I’ve kinda had a Prostitute!Ben AU stuck in my head for quite a while now. You don’t have to write this if you don’t want to but I can’t get it out of my head*
> 
> I’m not sure about this one, but I hope it’s alright?

Callum rounded the corner frowning at Ben, taking money from a guy.

“Typical.” He muttered under his breath, shaking his head at him. 

“You couldn’t wait could you, as soon as I’ve gone you start doing dodgy stuff again?” 

Ben went so pale, Callum thought he was actually going to faint. 

“What’s he selling you today then? Stolen cars?”

“It isn’t what it looks like?!” Ben shot out quickly. 

“Who’s this then?”

“Liam.” The guy sed “This a threesome or???” He looked between them, both of them staring at each other. 

“A what?!” Callum cried, looking at the guy. “What are you on about?? Is there a dodgy car or not??”

“Fuck off, yeah?” Ben shot at Liam. 

“What are you doing, Ben??”

“Nothing?!” Ben shot. “Just go! Now isn’t a good time!”

“This isn’t what I’m paying for?”

“Paying?? Can someone please explain to me what’s going on here?!”

“Don’t!” Ben cried. 

“Don’t what? Is he not joining in then? I paid for sex not an argument in the streets?”

“Don’t tell me...” Callum started, looking horrified between Ben and Liam. 

“Fuck off! Ben cried again. “Unless you want me to hit you into next week?!”

“Alright, jeez!” They both watched the guy leave, Callum turning his attention back to Ben as soon as he’d gone. 

“Well? Why’s he think he’s here to pay for sex?!”

“It’s fine, just go, Callum. I ent your problem anymore, you dumped me remember??”

“Don’t make this about me, Ben! And you know full well why I ended it! It was your fault not mine!!”

“Yes, I know. And I hate myself everyday?! I can’t change what I did?! Just carry on and pretend you never saw me. You’ve been blanking me for months anyway.”

“YOU were the one who sold a dodgy car. To a police officer!!”

“I didn’t know that did I?!”

“YOU were the one that dropped your dad in it?! YOU were the one that begged me to help you?! I nearly lost my job because of you?! I still don’t know how you managed to get away with it?!”

“I just lied...” Ben whispered. “A lot. Said I swore I didn’t know it was one of Dad’s contacts. I didn’t realise I’d dropped him in it until I said?!”

“Cos that’s what you do best, Ben! You lie! And you can’t stay legit for more than five minutes! YOU were the one that ruined this. We were good until you went and bulldozed it!”

“I know! I can’t keep saying I’m sorry! I didn’t know it would end like this!”

“No cos you only think about yourself, you’ve got a little girl that needs you?! Don’t you ever think about her??”

“Don’t you dare bring her into this!” Ben hissed. 

“If it wasn’t for me and Phil sorting out your mess, you’d be in a prison cell right now, leaving Lexi with no dad!”

“I’ve said I’m sorry?! I don’t how to make it better?!”

“That’s cos you aren’t?! You’ll just go and do what you want anyway?! You can’t make any of it better?”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Cal? You were the best thing in my life and I ruined it all...” Ben whispered. “For what...”

Callum hesitated, determined not to make himself feel guilty, when Ben was in the wrong. 

“You threw all what we had away just for one dodgy motor? Is that all I mean to you?”

“No! I swear, Cal-“

“Don’t.” Callum blurted out. “I ent listening to more lies.”

“I swear, I didn’t want to hurt you?! You were, still are! The best thing that’s in my life-“

“Was.” Callum insisted. 

“Was...” Ben whispered. “I didn’t set out for you to nearly lose your job or even hurt dad. I swear I hate myself every second of everyday for ruining what we had, cos I regret everything, I do. And I feel terrible for hurting you like I did. I’m sorry...”

“What were you doing??” Callum asked, refusing to listen to him. 

“Leave it, Callum, please!”

“No, Ben! Cos I ent gonna risk everything to save your skin again! If you want to dig your own grave, then go for it. Cos I don’t care anymore.”

“Please don’t say that...”

“Just think about Lexi??”

“I am...”

Ben looked at Callum, unable to kept himself up any longer, sinking to the floor sobbing to himself. 

Callum looked a little shocked not expecting him to break down in the middle of the street. 

Callum sighed to himself, for still caring, even though he’d tried not to, dropping to the floor next him. 

Ben melted into Callum’s arms, struggling to breathe, sobbing into Callum’s chest. 

Callum held onto him, shushing him gently, Ben choking his sobs, desperately trying to control his breathing, crying into Callum. 

“Just tell me what you were doing...” Callum whispered, stroking his hair away from his eyes. 

“I can’t...”

“So it weren’t a dodgy car? Cos you’d just say.”

“Please, Cal, I don’t think you wanna know.”

Callum held Ben’s face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs.

“Come on, this is me your talking to. Why can’t you tell me?”

Ben looked at Callum, seeming so soft, his anger melting away, more concerned about Ben. 

“Why are you so good?” Ben whispered. 

“Please?” Callum tried again. “Are you really in that much trouble?”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, not wanting Callum to know. 

“What would you really think of me if I told you I was picking up blokes?” Ben whispered. 

“I ent like you’ve not done it before, before us.”

“No, I meant, for...”

“Money...” Callum whispered, finishing for him. 

“Disgusting? Cos that’s what I am.”

“I wasn’t-“

“That’s what you were thinking, it’s written all over your face!”

“It’s not?! I’m just-“

“Shocked?”

“You could say that?” “I didn’t wanna go back there...”

“Wait, back? You’ve done this before?”

“Once?! You think I wanted to go back to that? That I wanted to go back to picking up blokes and have them crawling all over me? That I wanted to go back to selling myself? I needed money and it was the only way, I had no other choice, Callum?”

“If you really needed money, you could have just asked me?”

“You’ve said all of ‘Alright?’ Since everything went wrong. I was hardly gonna ask you to shell out for your ex was I? I was desperate...”

Callum stood up, taking Ben with him, guiding him onto a bench nearby, instead of sitting on the floor. 

“When did it get so bad?” Callum whispered. 

“Dad’s practically disowned me, so I’ve got no job, Lola won’t let me see Lexi, you ditched me, I’ve got absolutely nothing!!”

“That’s not true? You’ve still got all of that?”

Ben frowned at Callum, wiping away his tears. 

“How’d you work that out?”

“You can’t just give up? You gotta show Lola that your good enough for Lexi. And Phil? You gotta grovel.” He smiled. 

“You think I haven’t tried that? He won’t listen. I miss Lexi so much...”

Callum pulled Ben back to him, sobbing to himself again. 

“This was my last resort? I haven’t got anything else.”

“What gave you the idea??”

“At first I swore it would just be one time, so I could find a place to stay?”

Callum nodded, encouraging him to carry on. 

“But then I thought I’d get a place to stay the night if I kept sleeping with different people. I started to rely on it.”

Ben felt even more tears slipping down his face, Callum lacing his hand around his own. 

“I always asked for half first incase I couldn’t do it... At least I’d have some? I’m not proud of it?”

“I know.” Callum whispered. 

“I’m doing what I have to. Doing what I know. It was so horrible, just letting em...” Ben whispered, staring in front of him. 

Callum couldn’t even begin to imagine what Ben forced himself to do, just so he could effectively survive. 

Ben looked up at Callum, looking sick. 

“I know you can probably barely look at me right now.”

“No, it’s not that. I just didn’t know you’d get this bad. You haven’t got anywhere to stay and had to put yourself through that just to get some money.”

“This ain’t your fault. I brought it all upon myself.”

“What if they’d hurt you? Or done something worse?”

“Don’t think it can get much worse than that...” Ben whispered, trying to get the images out of his head. 

“I meant if you didn’t want to but they did?”

“Got it over with as quick as possible?”

“Someone could have seriously hurt you, Ben...”

“I’m okay, though?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Why are you being nice to me?!”

“Cos I still care about you, even after what you did.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“I do, course I still do...”

Ben looked at Callum, his hand shaking in Callum’s, wiping his eyes roughly with his other. 

“I’m really sorry, Callum...”

“I know.” Callum nodded slowly. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself? Letting random people near you when you don’t want to?”

“I don’t see any other way...”

“Well, I can’t let you go back to that again, knowing what your putting yourself through. You need to explain to Lola, she’ll understand I’m sure-“

“You can’t tell anyone! Please, Callum, no one can know, no one! Please, I’m begging you, you can’t! Please!!”

“Hey, calm down.” Callum tried, Ben shaking his head frantically at Callum, tears streaming down his face again. 

“I can’t trust anyone else! Only you. I only trust you...”

“I won’t. If it means that much to you.”

“Especially not Lo, she’s barely letting me see Lexi as it is, I can’t lose her all together. I haven’t seen her for weeks? I just wanna see Lexi!”

“I swear, no one is gonna find out.” Callum nodded quickly, holding onto Ben. 

“I know you shouldn’t be doing anything for me, but I’m begging you. Please don’t...”

“I promise.”

“I’ve got nothing!”

“Ben, listen to me, I won’t tell anyone as long as you swear you wont do this to yourself again.”

“I haven’t got a choice, Callum?!”

Callum held Ben’s face in his hands forcing him to look at him. 

“Look at me, Ben. Look at me!” Ben looked up slowly at Callum, sniffling to himself. “You have! You have got a choice...”

“How?!”

“I’m gonna help you.”

“How?!” He cried again. “I don’t see how your just gonna sort everything, just like that!” Ben sobbed. 

“Your moving back in with me.”

“I can’t??”

“Why not??” Callum frowned. 

“Cos you hate me and I won’t be able to help with anything, I’ve got nothing, Cal?”

“I don’t want you tryna pay rent or whatever, if that’s what your saying. I want you to live with me again.”

“Why are you doing this for me??”

“Cos I still love you, Ben?”

Ben looked up at Callum searching his eyes. 

“You do?” 

“I’m not just gonna switch off am I? I still love you.”

Callum held Ben to him, sobbing into him. 

“I’m sorry! For what I did. For this! For everything! I don’t know what to do, Callum?! I love you so much!”

“Come on, let’s get you home. You must be freezing? Promise me you’ll stop. You don’t need to do that anymore, you still have me.”

Ben nodded, clutching onto Callum’s hand, not wanting to ever let go. 

“I don’t deserve any of this...”

“You don’t deserve to go through that either. But I promise you don’t have to anymore. I’m gonna be here for you and look after you.”

“Do you think you can ever forgive me? For everything?” Ben whispered, looking at their hands locked together.

“Honestly? I don’t know, Ben. One day at a time, yeah? I’ll try, I promise.”


	10. Late Nights And Pillow Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Guest_Reader
> 
> *Drunken Pillow Fights*
> 
> I loved writing this one :) I hope it’s okay for you?
> 
> Thank you for everyone’s lovely comments and ideas too! :)

Ben snorted at Callum, tripping over onto the bed, giggling to himself. 

“Think we may have drank too much??” Ben grinned, crawling on top of Callum.

“You kept buying em?!” Callum chuckled, pressing messy kisses to each other.

“And you kept drinking them all?!” 

“My heads gonna hurt so bad in the morning?” Callum whined. 

Callum kissed Ben over and over, holding the side of his face gently. 

Ben dropped his into Callum’s neck, pressing lazy kisses to him instead. 

“I can’t be bothered to be honest.”

“Me neither.” Callum chuckled, wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist, pressing a kiss to his hair. 

Ben let out a sigh of content, sliding off him, lying next to Callum instead, holding his hand. 

“I’m so tired right now...” Callum sighed, closing his eyes. 

Callum jumped, startled awake by something landing on top of him. 

His eyes flew open, realising he had a pillow lying on him, looking up at Ben doubled over next to him, laughing his head off.

“Ben! What are you doing!” He cried. 

Callum picked up the pillow, Ben already crawling away, Callum too fast for him, hitting him across the back with it with a wicked grin and a howling laugh. 

Ben grinned at Callum when he growled playfully and backed up as he jumped quickly out of bed, holding another pillow from the bed. Suddenly he darted, running to the other side of the room quickly.

“Cal?! I swear to god-“

“You started it?! I was happy sleeping!”

Ben and Callum ran around the bedroom, Ben holding a pillow and so is Callum, both in fits of giggles and laughs, standing on opposite sides of the bed. 

“Ben, just get over here!” 

“So you can attack me?? Hell no!” He laughs, dashing out of the room. 

“Ben?! So unfair!”

Ben ran past Phil’s room, the noise of all the thumping in the hallways, the howling laughter, all the yelling and cursing, Phil’s door opens, and he looks out, frowning at Ben dashing past. 

Callum ignores him, he had just woken up by the looks of it, but he didn’t have the time to chat, cornering Ben at the end of the hallway and smashing him with the pillow. 

“What the hell are you two doing?!It’s like one in the morning?!”

Ben ignored him too busy trying to wriggle free of Callum’s grasp, pinning him against the wall. 

“Are you both drunk?? What you two doing coming in at this time of night??”

Ben could barely hold himself together, laughing at Callum’s hair a complete mess, whacking Callum back. 

Callum dashed back off into the bedroom, Ben calling out after him, as he continued to run down the hallway back to the bedroom. 

“Sorry, Dad, can’t talk right now…” Ben shot back in reply.

Ben finally caught up with Callum, snorting at Callum standing in the corner of the room. 

“Alright?! I give up, you win!” Callum protested. 

“I always win!” Ben grinned, triumphantly.

Ben grinned at him and hit him softly as possible with the pillow, but Callum frowned and his face dropping, looking all sad.

“Owww, baby, that hurt…” He cried.

Was this a trick? Was he trying to trick him? Or had he really hurt Callum..?

Ben got worried all of a sudden and put down the pillow on the bed, to help him. 

But that’s when his original suspicions were confirmed, as soon as Ben put down the pillow and was defenceless, Callum took his chance at revenge. He whacked Ben with the pillow, grinning triumphantly. 

“You cheat!!” Ben cursed, as Callum laughed to himself, shoving Ben onto the bed. 

Callum smacked him with the pillow again, Ben glaring at him, sitting on the edge. 

“Think you’ll find I always win?” Callum grinned, dropping onto the bed on his back next to Ben, letting out a sigh. 

“God I love you so much.” Ben grinned, flopping down next to him again, both out of breath. 

“Good job, I’m right where I want to be then isn’t it?” Callum smiled. 

“Dad’s gonna be well moody in the morning, he needs his beauty sleep.” Ben chuckled. 

“I’m blaming you....” Callum whispered, holding Ben’s hand between them. 

“You just wait until next time. You won’t win then?” Ben grinned.


	11. Stab To My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Sarah, anonymous & Anonymoose
> 
> *Can you write one where Ben gets stabbed and Callum is with him and is really supportive. Doesn’t leave his side at all. I know this is sensitive but you write them so well. You don’t have to write it if you don’t want, I just know you’ll write it so good.*
> 
> *Ben! Your bleeding! What have you done?!*
> 
> *I’m okay, Ben. I’m here sweetheart.*
> 
> I’ve got like a ton of requests so joined some of them together? I hope this is okay for you all? 😬

"Cal?” Ben breathed out, clutching his side. “Hey... I kinda have a small problem."

Callum wasn’t sure what to expect when he picked up the phone call from the Ben, but what he got made his whole world stop. 

Ben’s voice was shaky and small; Callum could tell he was afraid. “What’s wrong? Where are you?” 

Callum was already out the front door of the police station, heading in the direction of home. 

He could barely tell what he was saying, Ben’s voice a slur of words thrown into a pile of increasing hyperventilation.

“Okay, you’re gonna to have to slow down, alright? Deep breaths. You were at the pub, weren’t you, with Jay? I’m coming.” 

He was supposed to join them both after he’d finished a load of paperwork from work. 

Is it selfish of him to hope that this was only a panic attack? Not worse?

He listened to Ben trying to take a couple of deep breaths before squeaking out, “Jay left earlier, Lo needed him. I’m really scared, Cal, there’s my blood... everywhere and I-"

“Ben! Your bleeding! What have you done?!”

Ben tried to speak, wheezing slightly. 

“Ben, tell me where you are and what happened. You are at the Vic, right??” 

Callum wasn't able to hide the panic in his voice this time. It was pushing its way through his voice with an unmistakable edge.

Callum’s breath hitched, hearing Ben crying quietly to himself. 

It took Ben a second to speak again, but managed to again. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to help her and he was harassing her down the alley. I was tryna help and-“ His voice trailed off into panicked panting and small sobs.

“I’m nearly there, what happened?”

“He had a knife... My side hurts, Cal...”

“He hurt you?! I need you keep your hand over it or something. Can you do that for me?”

Ben nodded, although Callum couldn't know that, closing his eyes, reminding himself that Callum was on his way. 

“Callum!” Callum spun around, Stuart calling him. 

“Not now, Stu, I need to be with Ben.”

“Now?! I need to ask you something?”

“Later, yeah?” Callum called, carrying on walking. 

“Callum?! What’s wrong with you?”

Callum ignored him, realising that Ben had been quiet for awhile. Too long. In a slightly panicked voice, being poorly masked, trying to be calm for Ben. “Ben, talk to me. Come on, just talk to me.”

“I need you, Cal...” It sounded like he was shivering. 

“I know, I’m coming, I promise. I need to call for help though, I gotta stop talking to you for a few minutes but I swear I’m gonna be there.”

“I love you, Callum. So much...”

“Don’t say it like that? You gonna be okay, Ben. I love you too.”

Callum cursed under his breath, every scenario running wildly through his mind, trying to call an ambulance and get there as fast as he could. 

Ben whined to himself, still holding onto his side, squeezing his eyes shut. He tried breathing through his mouth instead, barely able to feel much anymore. All he knew was that Callum wasn’t there and most of his blood was dribbling onto his hand and onto the ground. 

Callum called an ambulance as fast as he could, trying to get to Ben even faster. 

The panic coursed through his veins with a fiery passion. Ben was slumped on the floor, against the side of the building, his face visibly paling, panting to himself. 

As he got closer, Callum could see a darker red patch staining Ben’s shirt from the source of the injury, still holding onto his side, drenched in blood. 

A knife near Ben, a clear indication of what had happened.

Callum’s heart broke, seeing Ben let out a small sob at seeing Callum in front of him. 

“Have you...” Ben started, whining instead at the pain through his side. 

“Yeah, course I have, darlin’. They’re on their way.” Callum promised, kneeling in front of Ben and shrugging his jacket off. “It’s okay, Ben. I’m here sweetheart.”

“What you doing, you’ll get cold.” Ben breathed out, grabbing Callum’s hand. 

“Don’t worry about me at all, Ben. I’m absolutely fine, I need to help you, yeah?”

Ben nodded, groaning at the searing pain in his side as Callum pressed his jacket against Ben’s side, holding both his and Ben’s hand together over the top. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby. I know it hurts. It’s gonna help you though, slow it down a bit.”

Ben nodded quickly, wincing at the pain. 

Callum pressed a kiss on his damp forehead, holding his head gently in his other hand, Ben leaning on him. 

“You didn’t take it out yourself did you??”

Ben shook his head slowly, trying to keep his eyes open. 

“Keep talking to me, Ben, come on, you can do it.” Callum tried. 

“The woman left quickly before all this and I sorta had a go...” Ben stopped for a second, trying to breathe normally. “Don’t even think he was it to happen himself?” Callum nodded, letting him take as long as he needed. “Just pulled it back out, dropped it in shock, and ran...”

“Shock? He just hurt you?” Ben moaned to himself, Callum adjusting their hands on his side.  
“I’m sorry, I’m tryna make it slow down? Your gonna be fine, I promise.”

“Don’t promise me that...” Ben whined. 

“Your gonna be okay, I swear. I’m right here.” Callum insisted. 

With a sad, panicked look plastered on his face, Ben looked at Callum searching his eyes. 

“Lexi?” He whispered. 

“No, don’t even think about that, Ben. You aren’t gonna die, your still gonna be here for her.”

Ben shook his head, looking at Callum still, not ever wanting to look away.

Callum looked at their hands together on Ben’s side holding his jacket over the wound, both of them covered in way too much blood. 

“Talk to me, Ben, how we doing?” 

Callum looked back up at Ben, talking with urgency lacing his voice as Ben started to shut his eyes. He knew it was a stupid question, but just wanted Ben to stay conscious. 

Ben looked up with lazily opened eyes, the usual light and sparkle gone. “Hurts.”

The single word sent even more ice into Callum’s veins. “I know, darlin’... I know.” 

“Where’s ya uniform?” Ben whispered, his head growing heavy in Callum’s hand. 

“I weren’t on duty today, just stuck in the office doing paperwork.” Callum stroked his thumb across Ben’s cheek gently, glad he was still talking to him. 

“Cos if I’m gonna die-“ 

“You aren’t?!”

“Cos if I do...” Ben carried on. “I wanted that to be the last image in my head...”

“Your not gonna die, Ben?”

“You... in that sexy... uniform...” Ben smiled weakly. 

Callum laughed through his tears, Ben still trying to make him happy even though he must be in so much pain. 

Ben’s eyes slid closed, Callum snapping at him, fear laced in his voice. 

“Hey, eyes open. C'mon Ben!" 

“I just wanna sleep...” 

Callum looked at Ben, forcing himself to look at Callum. 

“You can later, when they’ve helped you, yeah? Just stay with me for a while longer.” 

Callum felt his heart shatter, tears filling Ben’s eyes locking them with his Callum’s.  
“Cal, am I gonna-"

“Nope. You are going to be okay. And later, you and I are going to have a VERY long talk about dangerous situations and you not walking away after she left.”

Ben nodded, his eyes threatening to close any moment. Callum mentally cursed to the slow drivers that aren't here helping Ben. 

“I’m sorry...” Ben whispered. “Just got annoyed cos he was tryna hurt her...”

“I know...” Callum nodded, still holding Ben’s head up for him. “Don’t be sorry, you were tryna help? I love you so much, Ben.”

“Mighta punched him...”

“Typical you that.”

“Hurts, Cal... Really ‘urts...”

Ben whimpered to himself, his voice sounding weaker and weaker with every sound.

Callum kept stroking the side of his face, not sure how to keep him awake. 

“Ben, please, try and stay with me. I need you too! They’ll help you, I promise. They’ll make the pain go away...”

Ben shook his head slowly, closing his eyes.

“They will, they’ll stop you hurting, I’m sure? Ben! Come on! Don’t keep your eyes shut?!”

Callum pulled Ben into his lap instead, Ben’s hand dropping from his side. 

“I promised you, you’d be okay?!” Callum whined. 

He held both of his own hands over the jacket, not helping much anymore, the jacket too soaked to stop the blood anymore. 

“Please, Ben, I need you...”

Callum pressed on as hard as he could, Ben gone past the stage of hurting not even making any noise anymore. 

“You’ve got to be okay...” Callum sobbed to himself, desperately trying to slow it down somehow.

Callum didn’t know how long he sat there, crying to himself, trying to get Ben to talk to him. He looked up, sobbing to himself as the paramedics arrived, lying Ben on the floor instead. 

“Can you help him?!”

Callum shuffled to the side, squeezing Ben’s hand, watching as they tried to help him. 

“He’s still breathing, weakly, but he’s gonna need to come with us.”

“Of course he does?!” Callum cried. “Most of his blood is on the floor and me?! Some nutter has just stabbed him?!”

Callum followed them down the alley, jumping into the ambulance with him, refusing to let go of his hand.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I just need him to be okay?”

“It’s alright.” The woman smiled. “We don’t take it personally.”

Callum nodded, looking at Ben looking way too pale for his liking. 

~*~

“Hey...” 

Ben whined to himself, opening his eyes and looking in the direction of Callum’s voice. Always so soft. 

“Your okay, your in hospital. I told you, they’d help you?” Callum nodded. 

Ben looked over at Callum, still holding onto his hand. Callum only let go when they took Ben away to operate on him. 

“Instead of this being your last image of me, thought it could be the first image you see when you wake up?” Callum smiled. 

Ben smiled at Callum, sitting next to him in his police uniform. 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

“Hey, don’t speak or anything, you’ll just tire yourself out already. You need loads of rest.”

Ben nodded, closing his eyes again, growing tired already. 

“They stitched up and gave you blood, you left most it down the alley.” 

Ben snorted at Callum, wincing at the pain shooting down his side. 

“Sorry, don’t make you laugh, noted.” Callum nodded. “Don’t do anything, yeah? Just rest.”

Ben nodded again, smiling at Callum. 

“You and that sexy uniform though...”

Callum smiled at Ben, grinning to himself with his eyes closed. 

“Thought it’d make you happy. Went and changed when you in surgery. Came straight back for you though.”

“Thanks for being with me.”

“Course I would have been. I just wanted to help. Don’t think I did?”

“You saved my life, Cal? If you weren’t there I would have died...”

“Hey, your still here.” Callum smiled, wiping away a tear slipping down Ben’s face. 

“I just kept thinking about you and Lex? What if I didn’t make it? I always think I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to her but what if something bad happened to me?”

“Your still here for her, yeah? And for a very long time at that.”

“Hopefully...”

“You will be.” Callum nodded. “You can come home in a few days and Lola’s gonna bring Lexi to see you later.”

Callum smiled at Ben, looking happier at that. 

“As your police officer, I seriously need to be having words with you about dangerous situations.”

“Your police officer?” Ben smiled. 

“M-h. Well, I am dressed appropriately.”

“I ent complaining.”

“Sleep first! You need rest.”

“Yes, sir.” Ben smiled. 

“I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up. Uniform and all.” Callum grinned, squeezing Ben’s hand, still locked around his own.


	12. They Can Break Me Down But Only You Can Build Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anonymous
> 
> *Ben and Callum are best friends. One night, after a heavy night out, Callum finds Ben in an alley way after being beaten up and brutally raped. Callum rushes Ben straight to hospital. In the aftermath of his attack, Ben pushes everyone away and tries to deal with it in his own way. I know this is angsty and dark but you are always amazing when it comes to writing stuff like this.*
> 
> TW! Assault & rape/non-con. Please don’t read this if it will upset you. 
> 
> It’s way too long but I wanted to fit it all in. Sorry if this is a disaster.

Jay frowned at Callum, standing up slowly from the sofa, his face turning so white, looking like he was going to be sick. Callum shook his head slowly, listening to something on his phone. 

“What’s wrong??” 

“Ben...” Callum whispered, giving his phone to Jay and grabbing his coat. 

Jay looked at it, a voicemail from Ben. 

‘Cal... I really need you, I can’t-“ Jay frowned at a yelp from Ben, before hearing a smash and the line cut off. 

He sounded so scared, sniffling like he’d been crying. 

“Do you know where he went tonight?” Jay asked. 

“Erm, I think he said he was going to this new club? I can’t remember where?!” Callum groaned, pacing around the living room. 

“Why didn’t you go with him, he’s your best friend?”

“Cos I was working til late, Jay?! I’ve only just got in?”

Jay frowned at Callum, grabbing his keys from the side.

“Think I might know which one it was? You stay here, incase he does come back?”

Callum dashed off before Jay could reply, heading straight to the club Ben had mentioned a few days ago. “Please be this one.” He kept muttering to himself, hoping Ben wasn’t as bad it sounded. 

He’d already been a long time, driving there and now he couldn’t find him. He checked inside the club and out, trying to ring him again, not ringing at all anymore, like his phone was off or broken?

Callum stood outside, trying to work out where else Ben had mentioned, turning around, spotting him down an alley way. 

“Ben!” Callum rushed over to him, dropping to the floor next to him. 

“What the hell, Ben?!” Callum cried, taking in the state of him. He had blood trickling down the side of his face from a cut from the side of his head, a cut lip, tears running down his face. His phone was beside him, smashed, the glass from the screen scattered around it. 

“What happened??” He glanced down at Ben clutching his side, his whole body shaking. He didn’t know if it was from being cold or because someone had hurt him so badly. 

Callum took a small hold of his shirt attempting to look at the damage. 

“Don’t touch me?!” He cried. Ben shoved Callum’s hands away, tugging his shirt back down, curling himself into a even smaller ball, whining to himself. 

“It’s just me.” Callum whispered softly trying not to scare him even more.

“I don’t care who you are Callum, I told you not to touch me?!”

“Okay.” Callum nodded shuffling away a little. “This okay?”

Ben looked at Callum relaxing slightly. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you?” Callum nodded slowly, Ben refusing to look at him, his tears running down his face. He looked so small and vulnerable, trying to make himself as small as possible. 

“I’m over here, yeah?” Callum whispered, his heart breaking at seeing Ben so broken. “I won’t touch you, if you don’t want me to?”

Ben shook his head, holding his side, watching Callum warily. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” Callum whispered again. “You need help, Ben?”

“I don’t need help?!” He cried again, shuffling away from Callum. 

“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself even more! Have you seen the state of your side?? Look, I’ll go further away, yeah?”

Ben didn’t stop watching him until he was further enough away, pushing himself against the wall, in the corner, trying to keep Callum as far away as possible. 

“What happened, Ben...”

Ben shook his head, dropping his head down, yet more tears slipping down his face. 

“Did someone hurt you?” 

Callum knew the answer, but was desperately trying to get Ben to talk to him. 

Ben nodded, still holding onto his side. 

“You were in the club?”

Ben kept nodding, refusing to speak. 

“You came out here and someone hurt you? Was it someone who you were with inside?”

“Leave me alone, Callum?!” Ben cried.

“Please, just let me take you to the hospital?”

“No! I don’t wanna go there?!”

Callum nodded quickly, shuffling slightly closer to Ben, not noticing, too busy shaking. 

“I just want to know if anything else happened...”

Ben looked up quickly, Callum sighing to himself, Ben pretty much confirming it. “Ben...” 

“Just go home, Callum! I don’t need you feeling sorry for me!”

“I’m not leaving you like this...” Callum whispered.

Callum just wanted to hold him, Ben letting himself fall apart, sobbing to himself. 

“I needed you!” Ben choked out, hugging his knees to his chest. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here before, Ben. I’m sorry for all this.”

Ben buried his head in his knees, sobbing to himself, struggling to breathe. 

“I don’t know why it happened?!” Ben cried. “I was tryna come home!”

Callum wiped away his own tears quickly, his heart shattering for Ben. He looked so broken. 

“Can I sit here?” Callum whispered, shuffling a little closer to him.

Ben said nothing, not moving, letting Callum sit with him, instead of trying to get him to go away again. 

“We had quite a few drinks and I just was tryna come home and he just dragged me down here...”

Callum looked at him, Ben shuffling over, closing the gap the between them, curling into Callum’s side, still sobbing to himself. 

Neither said anything for a while, Ben crying into Callum, Callum wrapping his arms around him. 

“I don’t know what I did, Callum...”

“You didn’t do anything wrong? You hear me?”

“He just... attacked me? And I thought that was it cos he was leaving me like this, so I tried calling you...”

“That’s why your phone is broke isn’t it?”

Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Your okay...” Callum whispered, rubbing down his side. 

“I’m not! I’m not...” He whined, trying to get away from Callum again 

“Hey...” Callum whispered, lifting his chin gently. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

He let him take Ben’s face in his hands slowly shaking under his touch. 

“I wanna help.” Ben looked at Callum searching his eyes, his clearing slightly, his head telling him it was just Callum. That he would never hurt him. “I promise I just want to help, I won’t hurt you or touch you anywhere else. You can trust me.”

Callum took his hands away, to let him know he wasn’t going to do anything he didn’t want, it was best if he let Ben decide for himself. 

“I can’t trust anyone...” Ben whispered, shaking his head. 

“You can trust me, I promise. I will never hurt you.”

Ben looked unsure, nodding slowly after a while, lying back against Callum. 

“He smashed my phone cos he didn’t want me ringing anyone, I said I was sorry?!”

Callum held Ben close to him, trying to keep himself together for Ben. 

“I didn’t know he would do that too...” Ben whispered. “I tried stopping him... but he just... forced himself on me...”

“I’m sorry...” Callum whispered, resting his head on top of Ben’s. 

“I didn’t want him to!” Ben whined.

“I know, I know...” Callum whispered, Ben still crying into him. 

“It’s my fault, I should have just left it when he was gonna leave...”

“It isn’t your fault, Ben?! You didn’t know he was going to do this. You haven’t got anything to be sorry for, yeah?”

Ben ignored him, burying his head in Callum’s side. 

“I need to get you to hospital, someone needs to help you.”

“No!” Ben cried, sitting up. “You can’t tell anyone! Please, Callum! I don’t want anyone else knowing!”

“What about your mum? I need to at least let your mum know what’s happened, you don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want?”

“No! Don’t you dare, Callum. I will never forgive you?!”

“Okay, okay.” Callum nodded quickly, Ben relaxing slightly. “At least let me take you to the hospital, you really need checking over.”

“Why do I need to go to some person who will keep touching me and telling me what I already know?!” Ben cried.

“I know your scared, but you can’t let him get away with it? You probably don’t think it’s his fault but it is, Ben? You probably don’t wanna admit it but-“

“He raped me, Callum! I’m not stupid! I’m not gonna not say it, when I know it’s true!”

“I just want you to be okay...”

“I’m not okay, Callum?! I’m not and I won’t ever be!” Ben choked out his words halfway through, too tired to be angry, whining to himself. 

“Please...” Callum whispered. “I know your scared.”

Ben looked up at Callum, searching his eyes. “You’ll stay with me?”

“Course I will. I won’t leave you.” Callum nodded. 

Ben nodded slowly, watching Callum standing up. 

“I can’t...” 

“You can.” Callum nodded. “I promise I won’t let anyone touch you. Your my best friend.”

Ben dragged himself up, wincing at the pain everywhere in his body. 

“Your practically my only friend.” Ben whispered. “No ones else cares...”

“That’s not true? Jay?”

“Brother. Doing count.”

“Lola?”

“Lexi’s mum. Also don’t count.”

“You’ve got loads of people that love you, Ben-“

“Don’t do that?!”

“What??” Callum frowned. 

“Trying to make me tell people. I don’t want to!”

“I know.” Callum nodded, helping him down the alleyway and to the car as quickly as Ben would let him. 

~*~

“I can’t do it!” Ben cried, staring at the nurse waiting for him. “I’m not going!” 

Callum held Ben’s head to him, sobbing into him. He’d never seen him like this before, almost childlike, clinging onto Callum. 

“They’re not gonna hurt you, I swear on my life.” Callum held Ben’s head in his hands, trying to get him to look at him. 

“Look at me, Ben.” Ben glanced away from the nurse back to Callum, struggling to breathe. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Ben nodded quickly, watching the nurse. 

“I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. She just wants to make sure your okay.” 

Ben shook his head, trying to breathe normally. “In and out.” Callum whispered. “Breathe with me.” 

Ben nodded, copying Callum, calming down a little. 

“You can do it.” Callum nodded. “Cos you are strong.”

“I’m not...” Ben whispered. Callum wiped away his tears, still shaking. 

“You are so strong, Ben.” Callum nodded, taking his coat off and wrapping it around Ben’s shoulders. “I’m gonna be right here.”

Ben nodded slowly, letting Callum take him with the nurse. 

~*~

“I’m so proud of you.” Callum smiled, standing outside the house with Ben. 

“For what, getting so drunk I couldn’t stop him...”

“No, for letting the nurse do what she needed and talking to the support officer.”

“I don’t need one.” Ben huffed. “I’m fine on my own. I’m doing this my way and I don’t want anyone else tryna help me.”

Callum sighed, watching Ben walk in the house, the opposite of what he was when he’d found him. He didn’t seem to care anymore, refusing help from anyone. 

Ben groaned, Callum following him into the living room, literally everyone possible there. 

“Ben?! We’ve been so worried?!” Callum looked at Ben tensing up, Kathy heading straight over to him. “What have you done?!” She took his face in her hands looking at his cut lip and the cut down the side of his face. 

“What I’ve done?! It’s always me ain’t it, mum! I got mugged alright?!” He pushed her hands off him, stepping away from her. 

“He’s just a bit shook up.” Callum tried. 

“Back off, Callum. I don’t need you mothering me. I’m fine!” He cried, taking Callum’s coat from around his shoulders, shoving back at him. He grabbed a whiskey bottle from the side, leaving as quickly as he could upstairs. 

“I know he’s had a shock, but he doesn’t need to take it out on you?” Jay frowned. 

“It’s fine, honestly. He’s just upset.” Callum nodded, chucking his coat on the table. 

“Still shouldn’t snap your head off? I called Kathy incase you couldn’t find him and Lo came back anyway.”

“I just don’t think he wants to be around people right now?”

“Why have you got a police card and a rape crisis card in your coat pocket?”

Callum spun back around to Kathy, looking up at Callum with concern. 

“Erm, got it from work didn’t I?”

“Really??”

“Yeah...”

“Are you okay?” Lola piped up. 

“I’m fine, I promise.” 

“Come on, Callum. They wouldn’t just give this to you.”

Callum sighed, Kathy looking horrified. 

“Don’t tell me this was for Ben...”

“I found him down an alleyway, Kathy? He was in a right state, the guy had already attacked him, then this...”

“Who would even do that?” Kathy sighed. 

“Some sick person that’s who. Ben was convinced I was gonna hurt him, wouldn’t let me touch him. It’s understandable considering but I didn’t know when I first got there, he was so scared...”

“I need to go see him?”

“You can’t! He begged me not to tell anyone. Don’t think it’s quite sunk in himself.”

“I can’t believe this happened...” Kathy whispered, staring at the card in her hand. 

“I think he needs to be alone right now. He’s still wary of me as it is. He didn’t want me to tell anyone...”

“Yet you told em all anyway?!”

Callum spun around, Ben glaring at him, walking back into the room, half the whiskey gone already in the sort while he’d gone. 

“Only came back for those, so no one would find em, seems you got there before me?!” Ben cried, taking the cards from Kathy. “Have a nice chat did you? Enjoy telling your little story? Stupid Ben getting too drunk to stop some fucking guy forcing himself on me?!”

“It wasn’t like that?” Callum frowned. 

“You couldn’t wait even five minutes could you?! You had to go and blurt it out, when I specifically asked you not too?! I trusted you?!”

“I pretty much made him tell me?” Kathy tried. 

“I actually hate you so much, Callum?!” Ben cried, storming off upstairs again. 

“He didn’t mean that.” Jay shook his head, looking at Callum. 

“I know, he’s just upset. He’s either crying or lashing out.”

Callum left him alone for a while, staying downstairs. 

“You think he’s okay?” Jay whispered. 

“Doubt it. He’s so broken, Jay...”

“You think we should check on him or leave him alone??”

“I’ll go make sure he’s okay, just don’t wanna upset him even more.”

“If anyone can get through to him, you will.” Jay nodded. 

Callum sighed, hearing Ben sobbing to himself in the bathroom. He’d been in there for nearly two hours, Callum not wanting to disturb him. 

“Ben?? It’s just me, can I come in?” 

“Go away, Callum?!”

“Please? I just wanna see if your okay...”

“Well I’m not? So just go back to your little meeting. Poor Ben, that what it’s gonna be now? Ben who got assaulted? Ben who got raped?”

“I don’t think that, your still you? I’m just worried about you?”

Ben said nothing, Callum hearing him drink more whiskey. 

“There will never be someone quite like you, Ben. No one can take that away from you?”

Callum opened the door slowly, sitting on the floor a little way away from Ben, still drinking whiskey from the bottle, nearly all of it gone. 

“That isn’t gonna help is it?” Callum whispered. 

“Course it is, Callum?! I can try and make it go away...”

Callum took it from him gently anyway, Ben loosening his grip around it, watching him place it out of his reach.

“Have you just been sitting here all this time? You’ve been up here for two hours.”

“Keeping tabs on me now?” Ben huffed. 

“No, I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m really great, Callum.” Callum sighed, Ben plastering a smile on his face. 

“I know your upset-“

“Upset?! This is literally the worst day of my life! Think I’m entitled to be a bit upset?!”

“I know you are. You don’t have to be alone.”

“I want to be. No one can hurt me if I’m on my own...”

“I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you anymore.”

“Where were you tonight then?!” Ben cried.

“I came as fast as I could...”

Ben sighed, dropping his head down. 

“It weren’t your fault.” Ben whispered. “He was gonna leave until I called you, I would’ve been fine if he didn’t do...” Ben trailed off, wiping his eyes quickly.

“He still hurt you before that-“

“It’s not like anyone’s not given me a punch before? I could have coped with that...”

“You still can, Ben?”

“Can I...”

Callum shuffled closer to him, Ben looking up at him quickly. 

“I’m not gonna touch you.” Callum nodded. 

Ben nodded, hugging his knees to his chest, letting Callum sit near him. 

“I had a shower four times...” Ben whispered.

Callum followed his gaze to the clothes he was wearing when he’d found him. His shirt bloodied from the cut from his head, only just realising he’d got different clothes on, practically the opposite to those in every way. 

“Thought I could try get rid of the feeling...” 

Callum didn’t say anything, letting him speak. 

“It won’t go away, Callum? No matter how hard I try.”

“It’s gonna take time.” Callum whispered to him. 

“But it’ll still be in here...” Ben pointed to his head, dropping his hand again. “It’ll always be there, no matter how long it is or where I am. I just feel so horrible...”

“You can’t let him ruin your life, Ben.”

“I don’t want them anymore, I can’t wear them again, Cal.”

“I’ll take em downstairs and wash em for you?”

“No, I don’t want them at all?? I can’t... Every time I look at them all I see is him, everywhere I didn’t want him to be...” Ben shuffled into Callum’s side sobbing to himself. 

“I’ll chuck em away if it makes you feel better.”

Callum held Ben to him, crying into him morphing into small whines. He didn’t let go of him, Ben holding on so tightly, trying to breathe. 

“Your gonna be okay.” Callum whispered, trying to calm him down. 

“I won’t be?!” Ben moaned. 

“You will, you will eventually...”

Callum kept whispering to him softly, until he had no more tears to cry, pressing himself against Callum’s side. 

“I don’t hate you.” Ben whispered. “I shouldn’t have said it, I just don’t want anybody being different around me.”

“We all just want you to be okay.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore...”

“You’ve got to still live your life.” Callum nodded. 

“How, when all I can see is him...”

“Right now, you need rest. It’s already 5 in the morning, we didn’t get in til 3. Why don’t you try and get your head down for a couple of hours.”

Ben nodded, looking at Callum standing up. 

“One day at a time, yeah?”

“I don’t know if I can cope with a few hours; let alone a day...”

Callum held his hands out for Ben, dragging himself up on his own instead. 

“Your safe here.”

“Stay.” Ben whispered.

“You sure, cos some people like to be alone.”

“I’m not ‘some people’, Callum?! We don’t just join a rape club, sitting around and drinking tea and sharing cosy stories!”

Callum sighed, Ben flipping, lashing out again. 

“I just wanted you to stay with me but it don’t matter, just go home?”

“No I will, I’m sorry I just-“

“Scared you’ll make me flip well, well done!” Ben cried, swinging the bathroom door open and disappearing into his bedroom instead. 

Jay was still waiting for him, looking at the clothes Callum and brought down. 

“That guy has truly broken him, Jay...”

“I’m not surprised? I can’t even begin to imagine what Ben is going through right now. Stay on the sofa tonight, incase he wants you again.” Jay nodded. 

“He wants me to get rid of these, but I can’t? Whenever he’s ready, he’ll have to give em to someone for evidence or something. He refused to when we were at the hospital, but he might in the future.”

“I’ll keep em in a bag for now, until he’s ready.”

~*~

Callum sat up on the sofa, Jay already up and at the table, watching Ben walking through the living room, ignoring them both. 

“You still here?” Ben said to himself, walking past Callum. 

“Did you get some sleep?” Jay asked. 

“What do you think?” Ben huffed, disappearing in the kitchen. 

Ben wasn’t the same after that night, avoiding everyone at all costs, ignoring people or snapping. He barley cried anymore, too angry with the world to care, staying in his room all day. 

“Would everyone just stop following me?!” Ben cried, as Jay appeared behind him. 

“Why don’t you eat something, might make you feel better?”

“Don’t touch me, Jay?!” Ben snapped, shoving Jay’s hand off his back. 

“I’m sorry, I-“

“Forgot?! Cos it’s so easy for you?? You just try and imagine what it’s like for me, then maybe you’ll stop harassing me?!”

“He wasn’t harassing-“ Callum tried, appearing next to them. 

“Argh, why won’t anybody leave me alone?! I don’t want any of you asking me how I am every five seconds? Terrible! I don’t want anybody touching me? But you do! I don’t. Want. Help!!” He cried. 

Callum watched him, opening the fridge grabbing yet more alcohol, leaving as quickly as he could back upstairs. 

“I’ve just made things worse haven’t I?” Jay frowned. 

“No, he’ll shout at anyone, it’s not you.”

~*~

Ben became more and more withdrawn if anyone tried to talk to him, refusing to come out of his room some days. 

“Ben, you still in there?” Callum asked, knocking on the door. 

“Go away, Callum! I don’t need you.”

“Maybe you don’t, but I’m not going anywhere?” Callum tried, sitting next to the door. 

“Why are you so stubborn?!” Ben cried. Callum jumped, Ben throwing something at the door. “Fuck off!”

“Please, just let me in.” 

“No! I prefer being in here.”

“Away from the world?”

“Precisely.” Ben huffed. 

“Your mum is worried about you?”

“Her problem. Tell her I’m fine here and I don’t need her either.”

“Come on, Ben? She’s your mum, she just wants to see you, you’ve barely come out of here for weeks?”

“Why can’t you get it into your head that I’m happy here?! Just leave me alone.”

“With all that alcohol? Is this gonna be your life now? Drinking alcohol to try and forget cos it won’t work? It’s just gonna make you feel even worse.”

“You haven’t got a clue how I’m feeling, so don’t try and pretend you know?!”

“No, I don’t, but I can try and understand if you just let me in?”

Callum rested his head against the door, closing his eyes. Ben refused to let anyone talk to him about anything anymore. 

“I don’t need you, Callum.”

“You need alcohol, to stay in there for the rest of your life and to just not eat forever?”

“Something like that.”

“Do you really want him to ruin your life?”

“He already has?!” Ben cried. 

“Let him win?”

“He did that when he forced himself on me?!”

“That’s not true. You can live your life, and show me how strong you are. Cos Ben Mitchell is so strong and you know it.”

“The old me is gone...”

“So be a new you?”

“Why are you always so positive? It’s really annoying?” 

Callum smiled to himself, Ben calming down a little. “See? There’s still some of you in there? You just gotta find it?”

“That was lost when I decided to go out that night. You can’t help me, Callum, so just go and live your perfect life and leave me to mine.”

Callum sighed, crossing his legs. “I’m not going anywhere. I can sit here all week? You’ve got to come out sooner or later.” 

Callum looked up, Ben unlocking the door, but not opening it. 

Callum stood up, letting himself in, slowly.

“Only let you in so you’d go away.” Ben huffed, chucking himself back down on the bed. 

He sat down next to him, Ben moving slightly. 

“You can’t live like this forever.” Callum looked at the mess in his room, not bothering to sort it out, empty bottles of alcohol littered around the room. 

“I am now, what’s the difference if I keep doing it?”

“Let me at least get you something to eat?”

“I’m not hungry.” Ben whispered. 

“I’ll go away if you eat something?” Callum tried, trying anything if he could get him out of his room.

Ben stood up, glaring at Callum. 

“Your always pushing aren’t you, Callum?! I tell you go away and you sit outside the door! I let you in and you make me do something else?!” 

“I just make sure your okay?”

“I’m not okay, Callum?! And I never will be!” Ben cried. “I’ll just go and force myself to eat something, shall I?! Your no better than him?!” 

Ben spun around, groaning. “And here’s your little wing man?!” 

Ben marched past Jay, heading downstairs. 

“Am I?” Callum frowned. 

“No, course not? He’s just angry.” Jay nodded. “Only came to see if you had any luck getting him out.”

“I got him out, but probably made things worse...”

~*~

“He’s eaten a few pieces of toast in like three weeks, Kathy?” Callum told her, feeling guilty at her disappointment. 

“He’s no better then?”

“Not so far? He won’t talk to anyone anymore. Comes out for two bits of toast a day then he’s gone again.”

“At least he listens to you, even if it is a tiny bit. He won’t speak to any of us.”

“He doesn’t do anything anymore? All he does is drink and sit there in his room. Is it bad he doesn’t even cry anymore? It’s like he doesn’t feel anything anymore...”

“He needs more time.” Kathy nodded. 

“Where is he now?”

“He was in the kitchen. Didn’t say anything to anyone again, just blanked everyone. Probably gone to to get more toast.”

Callum sighed leaning against the kitchen doorframe, Ben mindlessly stirring a pan so slowly staring in front of him, letting it burn. 

Callum didn’t know if this was good sign or not? He was actually trying to do something else other than stand in front of the toaster. 

Callum turned the cooker off, touching Ben so slightly, making him jump. 

“Get off me!” He cried, walking backwards away from him. 

“I’m sorry, didn’t want it to burn.”

He didn’t know he’d been so close, scaring him again. 

“Just stay away from me!” Ben cried, curling his hand around a knife on the side, pointing it at Callum. 

“Look, I’m over here.” Callum nodded.

“You don’t get it do you? You can’t just scare me like that?!”

“I’m sorry, I should I have remembered. Just put the knife down, Ben?”

“Cos you forgot cos you don’t know Callum?! You don’t know any of it!”

“Come on, Ben...” 

Ben backed to other side of the counter, pressing his back against it. 

“It’s easy for you to forget! It’s easy for you go about your normal day! It’s easy for you not to understand! It’s easy for you to live your life. It’s so easy! And I can’t...”

Ben trailed off, dropping the knife, letting his tears fall. He hadn’t cried in so long, trying to keep it all in. 

The knife dropped with a clatter on the kitchen floor, Ben pressing himself against the counter. 

“I’m sorry...” He whined, sliding onto the floor. 

“Don’t be, your hurting.” Callum nodded. He never thought he’d hurt for him for a second, knowing he was just lashing out. 

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry...” Ben whispered over and over, curling himself into a ball on the floor. 

Callum sat next to him, wary of encroaching his space. Instead Ben pushed himself over to Callum, sobbing to himself, lying with his head in Callum’s lap. 

“Your okay...” Callum whispered, shushing him gently stroking his hair. Ben cried into Callum, trying to bury his head further into him, choking out little whines and moans. 

“Why doesn’t anything ever go right?!” Ben whined. 

“It’s just some soup, it’ll be fine.” 

“It’s not just that, Callum, it’s everything!”

“I know...”

“I just thought I’d try and make something else and I’ve ruined that too?!”

“You haven’t ruined anything, Ben?”

“I have... It was my fault...”

“Hey, none of it was your fault, yeah? You didn’t ask for any of it? And you certainly didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t blame yourself.”

Ben ignored him, too busy sniffing to himself, trying to wipe his tears away. 

“I don’t know who I am anymore...” Ben whispered, trying to curl himself tighter, his head in Callum’s lap. 

“You are still you?” 

“I don’t know that is, Callum. He has taken everything away from me and I can’t get that back... ever...”

“You are you, Ben. And you are stronger than you think. He hasn’t taken away that.”

“I can’t go to sleep at all? Haven’t slept properly for so long. Every time I close my eyes, he’s there...”

“I know you don’t think it, but it will get a little better over time.”

“I don’t know...” Ben whispered. 

Callum gently laced his fingers through Ben’s hair, expecting him to tell him not to, but he closed his eyes, leaving his head in Callum’s lap. 

“I know your against it, but it will help if you talk to someone, someone professional, instead of trying to deal with everything all by yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can tell some random stranger and relive it all over again...”

“They’ll be able to help you work through, maybe help you start getting better and concentrating on the future.”

“I just want it all to go away...”

“You know, you’ll still remember but you can start to move forward, even if it’s just a small step. Just think about it?”

“Okay...”

“Yeah?” Callum looked at him hopefully, Ben not shutting him out this time, still lying with his eyes closed. 

“I just want to be normal.” He whispered. 

“You are still normal, no ones gonna treat you differently, cos you Ben are special. No one can take that away from you. In fact your like a diamond? You might have rough edges that are all different but you still shine. That sounded much better in my head?” 

Callum smiled to himself, the smallest smile on Ben’s face. He hadn’t seen him smile at all since it happened. It felt like such a long time. 

Callum kept stroking his hair and whispering to him until he calmed down, becoming quiet.

“Do you want me to make you something else to eat?” Callum whispered. 

He looked at Ben ignoring him, actually falling asleep with his head in Callum’s lap. 

“Is he alright?” Kathy frowned, appearing in the doorway.

“He’s asleep.” Callum whispered. 

“Isn’t it a bit cold down there?” 

“He hasn’t slept for weeks. I’m fine here, with him. Think he could sleep anywhere right now, he’s so exhausted.”

Kathy’s gaze landed on the knife on the floor, looking back at Callum. “He didn’t try...”

“No course not. He just had it near him to start with. I scared him by accident and he freaked out. He didn’t try and hurt me though.”

Kathy nodded, relaxing slightly. 

“He was tryna cook something.” Callum whispered to her, not wanting him to wake up again.

“That’s a start?”

“At least he’s trying and he was open to the idea of talking to counsellor? I think he might be getting somewhere.”

“Really?”

“Maybe. If this counselling works it could help him a lot. He might be able to start getting his life back.”

Kathy disappeared for a second, returning a few seconds later. 

Callum nodded gratefully, throwing the blanket over Ben she had brought for him.

He didn’t care that he was on the floor, sitting with Ben for hours. He was just grateful that he was finally having a decent sleep, wherever he was. Callum kept stroking his hair and holding his hand, Ben pushing himself further into Callum every so often, resting his head in Callum’s lap, restless but still sleeping. Out for the count.

“I think he actually might be getting somewhere?” Callum whispered to her. “Even if it is slowly, it’s still a start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know people won’t take notice of this but imma leave these here anyway.
> 
> Survivors UK  
> 020 3598 3898  
> Webchat can be accessed at www.survivorsuk.org  
> Email: help@survivorsuk.org
> 
> Mind Infoline  
> 0300 123 3393 Mental Health charity very close to my heart


	13. Come Wine With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Sarah & anonymous!
> 
> *Can you do one where they dance together and it’s just all fluffy and cute?*
> 
> *Callum and Ben getting drunk off mulled wine*
> 
> I’m really rubbish at the fluffy stuff, but I tried this for you both. It’s dead cringy and I think I should stick to the angsty stuff.

“What’s that smell?” Callum frowned, walking in the house with Ben. 

“Oo, yes, Mum’s made her mulled wine again. She makes it every year.”

“Smells nice.”

Ben grabbed Callum’s hand, dragging him with him to the kitchen. 

“And it’s still warm! You want some, only family get this you know?”

“Go on then.” Callum smiled. “It’d be rude not to, right?”

“Definitely.” Ben grinned. “To... Us?”

“To us.” Callum echoed, clinking against Ben’s glass. 

Callum followed Ben back to the living room, chucking himself down on the sofa next to him. 

“Feels too quiet in here.” Ben smiled. 

“If Lexi’s at your Mum’s, does that mean we’re allowed to get drunk?” Callum grinned. 

“Just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more.” Ben chuckled, downing the rest of the mulled wine in his glass. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Course I do.” Callum smiled. “I love you more and more everyday.”

“Don’t get all soppy on me?” Ben smiled, taking Callum’s glass and disappearing back into the kitchen. 

“Seriously, why don’t you like compliments or whatever?” Callum called, staying on the sofa.

“Dunno, just don’t like the attention?”

Ben scowled at Callum, laughing, bringing all the wine to them instead. 

“Really?! Since when does Ben Mitchell NOT like attention?”

“Oh come on, that’s a different kind of attention?” Ben grinned. 

“You get so soppy when your drunk.”

“I do not!”

“Fine, whatever you say...” Callum grinned. “This mulled wine though, it is good.”

“I don’t want anything for Christmas, you know?”

“Nothing??” Callum frowned. 

“I just want it to be perfect this year. And as long as I’ve got you and Lex, then it will be.”

“Your not even drunk yet and your being all soppy already?” Callum grinned. 

“Shut up.” Ben huffed. 

~*~

It didn’t take them long to drink most of the wine, both of them giggling like children. 

“Shhh.” Ben whispered, pressing his finger against Callum’s lips. 

“Whyyy?” He whined, pressing a kiss onto the pad of his finger instead. 

“Oh wait, everyone’s out!” Ben giggled, dragging his hand down onto Callum’s chest. 

“Usually have to be quiet?”

“Your never quiet?!” Callum snorted, lying across the sofa. 

“I can be, when I want to be?” Ben frowned, watching Callum squinting into his empty glass. “I got more?”

“Best thing you’ve said all night.”

“I can say whatever you want me to.” Ben whispered against Callum’s ear, crawling on top of him. 

“What like?” Callum grinned. 

“One day we’re gonna have kids of our own.”

“You’ve actually thought about that?”

“M-h, all the time. And I’m gonna tell em how your the greatest person in the whole world.”

“Thought you meant summut sexy.” Callum giggled, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Ben’s lips. “Told you your all soppy.”

“You want kids?” Ben frowned. 

“With you, yeah?” Callum smiled. 

Ben smiled even wider, pressing lazy kisses on his mouth. 

“I need more wine?” Callum moaned, sliding Ben to the side. 

“Am I being replaced?” 

“By this stuff, definitely.” Callum grinned, drinking more of the wine. “There’s none left now...” Callum pouted, dragging himself up. 

“Is there more in the kitchen?”

“I need some music!" Callum exclaimed. "Where's the radio again, I forgot...”

Ben raised an eyebrow and pointed behind Callum.

“What about the wine?”

“I want you to dance with me, we’ve never done that before?”

“I don’t do dancing?!”

Ben snorted at Callum nearly tripping over the coffee, laughing to himself. 

God, he was so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. His hair so loose and messy, the way he laughed. Everything about him was amazing. 

Callum turned on the radio, finding a Christmas song, before dragging Ben off the sofa. 

“Please? You can’t say no to me?” Callum pouted. 

"Cal, stop, your gonna fall over!” Ben had to stop laughing to catch his breath, but grinned at the sight of Callum dancing like a lunatic.

"You're crazy.” Ben shouted over the music.

"I'm not crazy! I'm having fun!" He argued playfully.

Ben rolled his eyes as Callum spun himself around, almost falling over again. 

"Dance with me babe!" He extended his arms out, waiting for Ben. 

"No! I can't. I'm a terrible dancer!" Ben shook his head, determined to stay put. 

"So am I! Doesn't stop me!" He grabbed Ben’s hands before he could protest.

Ben smiled to himself, letting Callum pull him to him, spinning them both around not losing balance because he had Ben to lean on.

"I’ll never get over how beautiful you are.” Ben whispered. 

Ben searched Callum’s eyes, sparkling blue in the light. 

“And I’ll never quite believe that I get this with you everyday.”

Ben closed his eyes and pushed their lips together his fingers finding their way into Callum’s hair where they always ended up. 

Callum’s grip on his waist tightened, kissing him harder, everything around them becoming irrelevant. The music just noise, just the two of them. 

Ben could only focus on Callum and the taste of him. He wanted to stay like this for the rest of eternity. Part of him. Unbreakable. 

"I need you, Cal." Ben whispered, breaking away for just a moment. 

“I need wine.” Callum grinned, pressing a hard kiss onto his mouth, guiding them both through the kitchen doorway. 

Callum frowned at no wine left, resuming his mission, kissing Ben over and over. 

Callum’s hands pressed into Ben’s back, kissing him with a longing that had been building up inside him all night, that feeling never leaving him. 

He lifted Ben up, his legs wrapping around his torso, sitting him on the kitchen counter, taking a minute to kiss his chin, his cheeks, his neck. 

Ben smiled with content and tilted his head so Callum could kiss him under his jaw, travelling back to his mouth, breathing heavily and throwing personal space out the window.

“For goodness sake boys, do you have to do that there?” Kathy muttered. “Can’t you go upstairs?”

Ben pulled apart, not realising she had walked in. 

“Have you two drank all the mulled wine?” She frowned.

“Erm, what’s the correct answer?” Ben squinted. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Kathy smiled. “Don’t mind me, only came back for one of Lexi’s teddys. Carry on.” She chuckled, leaving them to it. 

Callum grinned at Ben, looking at each other for a minute.

"I still think about you all the time. I think about us all the time. Even after all this time we’ve been together.” Callum whispered. 

"So do I." Ben held the side of his face, pressing their mouths back together. 

Callum could hold him right against his heart like Ben was some kind of missing puzzle piece that was always meant to go there.

He loved Callum. And Ben loved him. They both knew it. They never hid it, always needing each other. They just needed a moment, a place in time, to depend on each other, to hold on to each other and never let go.


	14. Protect My Girl At Any Cost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Lilly
> 
> *When Lexi gets her first boyfriend, everyone thinks that Ben will be the one to go into protective dad mode and threaten the boy if he so much as thinks about hurting his little princess BUT what if it’s Callum instead?*

“I need to go fetch, Lex from school?”

Ben shook his head, smiling at Callum. 

“She’s 16, she walks herself home now. Your getting forgetful in your old age.” Ben chuckled. 

“I ent old?! She’s just grown up so fast.”

“She’s bringing her friend home for tea today anyway.”

Ben laced his hands around Callum’s neck, pressing a light kiss on his lips. 

“I still remember when she was still little and called me Dad for the first time.” Callum smiled.

“You sat there crying and she just carried on with her colouring.”

“I was so happy though.”

“I know you were.” Ben whispered against his lips, kissing him, stroking the back of his hair. 

“Argh, do you have do that there, in the living room?!”

Callum rolled his eyes, wrapping his arm around Ben’s waist instead, both looking at Lexi. 

“Don’t even ask me how my day was either, it was school, it was boring as per.”

“We’re just taking an interest, darlin’.” Ben smiled, shaking his head at Lexi being a typical stroppy teenager. 

“Anyway, I’ve got someone I want you both to meet.”

“Yeah?” Ben frowned, watching Lexi disappear to hallway and return again. 

“Dads, this is Jesse, my boyfriend.”

“Jesse? The same friend you said you were bringing round for tea?” Ben looked up at Callum, his voice suddenly high pitched. 

“Yeah?” She frowned. 

“He’s a he?” 

Ben rolled his eyes at Callum, smiling through gritted teeth. 

“That’s really great, Lex?! Really... really great...” 

Callum grabbed Ben’s hand instead, dragging him into the kitchen. “Just gonna help your Gran with the food!” He called, slamming the door behind them. 

“She’s got a boyfriend, Ben?!” He cried. 

“Babe, calm down she’s 16 now, it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“She can’t have a boyfriend til she’s like... 40?!”

“40?! I wouldn’t be with you, if I weren’t allowed a boyfriend until I was 40? We aren’t there just yet.” He smiled. 

“I thought she meant one of her girlfriends not a boyfriend?! Like Jessie, Toy Story Jessie?! Not Jesse, guy-who’ll-hurt-her-Jesse!”

“Cal, calm down...” Ben whispered.

“What’s this about a boyfriend?” Kathy asked. 

“Cal’s currently having a meltdown cos he thought Lexi was being a friend home not a boyfriend.”

“How sweet.” She smiled. “She’ll be off to college, getting married and having kids the next time we see her. She’s growing up fast.”

“Sweet?” Callum cried. “She’s still too young?!”

Ben took a hold of Callum’s face, getting him to look at him. 

“It’s not a big deal.” He nodded. 

“It is, Ben, it is...”

“She’s happy, you want that?”

“Course I do?! I just don’t want him breaking her heart...”

“She’s young, Cal, she ent gonna marry him?”

“Err, I am not giving my blessing for a marriage either?!”

“She’s not marrying anyone right now? It won’t last, trust me. It’s her first boyfriend, she’s doing what she wants right now.”

“Where’s Lola? Jay? They’ll know this is a bad idea?”

“Just trust me, okay? Lo is upstairs and Jay’s gone to fetch summut for Mum for the dinner.”

Callum nodded slowly, holding his hands over Ben’s. “Okay, calm, I’m really calm...”

~*~

“So, what do your parents do then, Jesse?”

Ben rolled his eyes, Callum still interrogating him. 

“Mum’s accountant and Dad’s a doctor.”

“Successful then?”

“I suppose?” 

Callum winced, a sharp kick under the table from Ben, shaking his head subtly at him. 

“You planning on sticking around long?”

“Dad?!” Lexi cried, shrinking in her seat, looking so embarrassed. 

“Erm, I really like her, yeah?”

“Cos you know, if anyone did hurt her, you’ll have me to answer to?”

Callum glared at Jay, snorting to himself in the corner. 

“Cos no matter how old she is, she’ll always be my princess.”

“Seriously?!” She whined, trying to shrink even further in the chair. 

“What? It’s true?!”

“I can’t believe this...” She sighed. 

“Who wants dessert?” Ben said suddenly, standing and pulling Callum with him. “You’ll help won’t you?” 

Ben practically dragged Callum to the kitchen with him shutting the door. 

“What you doing?! She is so embarrassed right now?”

“Background checks?” Callum nodded, looking pleased with himself. 

They both looked up at Lola, walking in closing the door behind, chuckling to herself. 

“This is actually priceless. Jay even said it would be Ben who’s like this. Never thought you’d be so protective.”

“Course I am?! He’s 17, she’s 16. That’s way too old?!”

“Cal? Calm down? That’s hardly anything?? I mean there’s five years between us?” Ben tried. 

“That’s... different?!”

“How is it?!”

“It just is?!” Callum groaned. 

“She’ll have dumped him in a week?” Lola chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve been there. Get bored- verrry quickly.”

“She’ll still get hurt?!”

“First relationships never last?” Ben nodded. 

“And what about the person after that and that?”

“You can’t keep doing that to everyone she brings home. You’ll scare em all a way?” Ben smiled. 

“That’s the plan.” Callum grinned. 

“Come on, I know you love her and you want to protect her but you can’t wrap her in cotton wool for the rest of her life. Just try and be nice, yeah?”

“I am nice??”

“I meant with all the questions, she’s gonna die of embarrassment if you carry on.”

“Fine...” Callum huffed. “But if he hurts her...”

“Please?” 

“Okay?” Callum nodded. “I won’t interrogate him.”

“Your are actually so adorable.” Ben chuckled. 

“Am not?!”

“I always said, I never wanted the day to come when she started dating someone but you are just too cute.”

“Not...” Callum huffed. 

“She’ll be fine. I love you for being a protective Dad.” Ben smiled, pressing alight kiss on his lips. 

“You sure, I can let you back in there?” Ben chuckled. 

“Yess! I’ll be on best behaviour.” Callum smiled.


	15. Restart My Heart For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For voracious_reader70 
> 
> *Could you do one where either Callum or Ben gets really hurt and stops breathing and the other one has to do CPR to save him? Because you’re great at angst.*
> 
> I sorta went off on a tangent with this one, but it’s this anyway :)

Ben lay with his head on Callum’s shoulder, looking up at Callum with his eyes closed, listening to the sea. 

“It’s too cold for this.” He huffed. 

“Oh come on, Lex, really wanted to come. We haven’t been out that much this year cos of everything and she just wanted a nice day out.” 

“I know.” Ben sighed. “Still too cold. It’s December.”

“You ent gonna die?” Callum smiled. 

“Of hypothermia maybe??”

“Where is she anyway?” Callum frowned. 

“Went to go get ice cream with Jay. She said you have to have ice cream when your at the beach.”

“It’s true?” Callum grinned, pulling Ben a little closer to him. 

“And I’ve got sand in places it shouldn’t be?”

“Stop complaining!” Callum cried. 

“Okay, okay?! Least I’ve got you for body warmth.”

“Well, then?” Callum smiled. “Silver linings and all that.”

“They’ve been gone ages??” Ben frowned, looking in the direction of the ice cream shop, watching Jay running over to them. 

“Erm, I’ve lost her?” Jay frowned. 

“What do you mean lost her?!” Ben cried, shaking himself off and standing up.

“I turned around and she’d gone?!” 

“Where the hell has she gone?!”

“Hey, I’m sure she’s not far?” Callum tried, standing next to Ben. 

“She’s gone, Callum?!” 

“Oh my god...” 

Callum looked in the direction of Ben’s gaze, his blood turning to ice. Lexi was half way out to sea, struggling against the waves. 

Ben had already gone, Callum following as fast as he could. 

“What’s she doing in the sea?!” Ben cried, swearing at the freezing water flooding over his feet. 

“I don’t know!” Callum cried. 

“You stay there, I’ll try and get her over to you?” 

Callum nodded, not sure how he was supposed to help, just standing there. 

Ben walked through as much of the water as he could, swimming the rest of the way.

“Please be careful?!” Callum called after him. 

Ben struggled against the current, the sea already choppy today because it was December. He felt like he had ice running through his veins, the coldest water he’d ever felt. 

His heart broke at the little cries coming from Lexi, still desperately trying to keep herself above the water, pressing on against the current. 

“I’m here, baby.” 

Lexi clung onto Ben, cursing under his breath at the extra weight, dragging him down. 

“I just need to get you to Callum...” 

Ben tried his best to keep her above the water, trying not to choke on it himself. 

“Pass her to me?!”

Ben headed in the direction of Callum’s voice, growing more tired by the second. He didn’t think he could go much further. 

He managed to make it a bit more towards shore, Callum grabbing her and pulling her to safety, wading back to the shore. 

“Your alright, your alright.” Callum held Lexi to him, trying to keep her warm, crying uncontrollably, every part of her drenched. 

“I just wanted to show Daddy that I could swim?” She sobbed, throwing her arms around Callum’s neck. “Then I got too cold and couldn’t do it anymore?!”

“I know darlin’, but me or Daddy doesn’t want you to get hurt?”

“I’m sorry!” She whined, burying her head in Callum’s neck. 

Callum kept her close, trying to warm her up, looking back out to sea, desperately trying to catch sight of Ben. 

Callum felt like a small part of him had just died, as a wave crashed over Ben’s head, taking him out of sight, further away from them both. 

Ben felt like he was being dragged down by a ton of bricks, seeming loosing any feeling in his legs, struggling to see anything under the water. 

He couldn’t go anymore, his head telling him this is it. This is how he’s going to die. Drowning. 

In these last moments, it’s not the water that he keeps swallowing, choking on it, it’s the cold. It has bled all the energy from his body, making him too tired to swim against the force. Draining him of any energy he’s got left to force his head above water. 

It was useless, he’d get his head above the water for a few seconds, only for the waves to crash back over his head, shoving him back underneath again, for longer periods of time. Slowly emptying his body of energy left, forcing him deeper down and down. 

He knows he’s drifted just slightly too far from shore to make it back, the icy waves pulling him further and further away, just a little bit further each time, toying with him. 

It is too late for him. He’s going to die. Ben gasped another half lungful of air, the sea seemingly bored of its game with him, dragging him under a final time. 

Please, is all he thinks. Just the one word, echoing through his head. Please.

No chance, no hope, before he blacks out, letting the waves take him. 

“Nonono! Ben?!”

“Where you goin’?!” Jay cried, as Callum shoved Lexi in his arms. 

“To help, Ben?! Keep her warm!” He cried. 

Callum didn’t even feel how freezing the water was, running straight through the water as far as he could, trying to get to Ben as fast as he could. 

He kept calling Ben over and over, not seeing him anywhere anymore, looking, searching for him desperately. 

All he saw was the glimpse of him for one second, but he disappeared again.

He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t even trying anymore. He can’t be dead. They needed him. 

Callum struggled to get to him, managing to reach him after what felt like too long, not knowing if he was still alive or not. 

The only thing going through his head, to get Ben out of the water. To keep him safe. 

“Ben, come on!” Callum sort of dragged him and pulled back out of the water, not moving, just lying on the sand. “Ben! Come on! I need you to speak to me!”

Jay looked up at Callum dragging him a little further, away from the water, not doing anything. Just still. 

“Why isn’t Daddy talking to you?”

Callum looked at Lexi tears streaming down her face. 

“He’s just tired, sweetheart cos he went after you.”

“I just wanted to show him I could swim, but then I got stuck and the sea took me away...”

“I know darlin’ you’ll be okay. Take her somewhere warmer, Jay?”

Callum looked at Lexi still crying, trying to find a pulse, anything on Ben’s wrist. “Come on, Ben, please...” He held the side of his face, too cold, no colour in his face. 

“Where?” 

“I don’t know, just take her will you?!” Callum cried. “To the ice cream man, just tell him what happened, she needs to get warm now?”

Callum looked up at Jay, shaking his head. Ben wasn’t even breathing, Lexi in floods of tears. 

“Is Daddy gonna die?”

“No, darlin’ he’s gonna be just fine. Hurry up, Jay?!” He aimed at him. “And call an ambulance too!”

As soon as Lexi was far enough away, Callum shuffled to Ben’s side, still trying to find a pulse. 

“No, Ben, you can’t do this to me?!” Callum cried, trying to keep himself together. 

Callum looked up, the water still washing against Ben’s side. 

“You need to be okay...” Callum pleaded, hauling the deadweight of his boyfriend further up the shore. 

Callum cursed to himself, looking at Ben looking so white, lying him on his back. 

He shakily felt Ben’s neck one more time, silently pleading for him to even have one movement. 

There's nothing.

Callum lets out a shallow, "fuck," again, presses harder. Still no pulse. He counts out ten seconds that last an eternity, but the only movement beneath the pads of his fingers is his own. He prays for something, anything that might indicate that Ben is a little more alive than he looks. 

Callum laces his fingers together, sets the heel of his lower hand in at the centre of Ben’s chest and presses down.

The crack of one of Ben’s ribs as Callum presses down is sickening. 

It didn’t make it any better that Ben didn’t even know what Callum just did. He’d never wish pain on Ben ever, but at least he’d be alive to feel something. 

Callum feels it more than he hears it, nausea washing over him, the crack travelling straight through him. 

It's easier after that, though. Ben’s body gives unnaturally as Callum pushes, rises, pushes again.  
"One, two, three," he murmurs, and because he can't help himself, he prays again, prays that he's at least remembering how to do this right. Thankful for one thing to come out of the army. If he doesn't, if Ben dies, then it's his fault. Simple as that. 

He continues to count, trying to send energy through him. 

“Your brother needs you!”

He keeps counting, Ben still not moving. 

“Lexi needs you!” and hits thirty, though he can't even remember hitting twenty-nine.

“I need you!”

Ben’s still not breathing.

“You are NOT dying, Ben!” Callum seethed.

Callum swallows, gently pressing his thumbs under Ben’s jaw, and pushes his head back. His chin tilts upward, without hesitation, pressed his mouth against Ben’s, instantly tasting the saltiness on his lips, feeling way too cold. 

He felt Ben’s chest rise under him, and pulls up, just barely off of his mouth for another breath of air. A moment, then he's diving back down, more familiar with the fit of Ben’s lips against his own.

Callum breathes into him a third time, feeling the expansion and fall of Ben’s ribs, and then he’s quickly sitting up, pressing the bottom of his interlaced hands to Ben’s newly broken ribs again, refusing to give up. 

“I’m not moving until you wake up, Ben! Come on! Please!”

Callum did it over and over, starting to learn the repetition of the compressions, the settling of his weight from his shoulders, to his wrists, to Ben’s heart. 

Callum groaned to himself, making it harder for himself to reach the full push each time, as Ben moved deeper into the sand. 

Callum squeezed his eyes shut, keeping going, his whole body starting to burn, but readjusts himself immediately, and never, not once, stops.

His muttered count reaches thirty again, so he leans back to Ben’s mouth, and maybe it's his imagination, but it's looking pinker this time. 

He holds his nose between his fingers, repeating it all over again. 

Callum pulled back for a second, expecting to be trying yet again, when Ben’s moving. He’s breathing all on his own. 

Callum stared at his chest, still convinced his mind was playing tricks on him, because this might be just too good to be true, that he hasn't failed Ben this time, that Ben’s breathing, and he’s alive.

“Come on, Ben...” He whispered, holding his hands over his chest incase he stopped breathing. 

Callum sank back down as Ben gasped what sounded like a ‘Lexi’ choking on the water. “Ben! Your actually alive....” Ben spluttered next to himself, throwing up in the sand, more water coming out. “Lexi!” He breathed out, throwing up again. 

“She’s okay, she’s alright?” Callum nodded quickly, pulling Ben to him. Ben shivered, closing his eyes, Callum grabbing his coat from the sand nearby wrapping it around Ben. 

“Where is she-“ Ben cut himself off, groaning to himself, holding his side. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben! I had to?! You weren’t breathing and I needed to?! I didn’t wanna hurt you?”

Ben nodded, trying to stop himself from shaking. 

“S’fine. You ent got anything to be sorry for, you just literally kept me breathing?”

“You scared the life outta me! I didn’t think you were gonna wake up. You stopped breathing...” 

Ben opened his eyes, looking at Callum, he didn’t think he’d ever seen him crying so much. 

“Bit of water is gonna take more than that to get rid of me.”

Callum tried to keep Ben as close as possible, trying to keep him even a little bit warm, both of them soaked through. 

“She’ll be okay.” Callum promised. “Jay took her back to get her warm. I had to make her go away, I couldn’t let her see you not...”

“Good...” Ben whispered, closing his eyes, burying his head into Callum. “I just died, Callum...”

“I would not have stopped trying to save you, ever. I’d have kept going and going until you were okay.”

“I can’t believe you did that. Your amazing.”

“I’d have done anything. I’d move heaven and Earth to protect you.”

“I love you.” Ben whispered, wincing at the pain getting worse. 

“I love you. Just take it easy, yeah?” Callum nodded, stroking the side of Ben’s face gently. “I need to get you to the hospital. You might still have water in your lungs or something, I don’t know. And you need your ribs looking at?”

“It does really hurt...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna hurt you? Your so cold too.”

Callum tried to wrap his coat around Ben a little further, grabbing Ben’s coat too and doing the same. 

“Jay’s already rang the ambulance, they’ll be here soon.” Callum whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, Ben still shaking in his arms. 

“Are actually feeling guilty??” Ben frowned. 

“Yeah? I don’t like you hurting and your in so much pain right now.”

“Hey, don’t ever be sorry for doing what you had to keep me alive?! I owe you everything, Cal. Maybe it does hurt a hell of a lot? But I’d rather this than to be still lying there and not breathing?? You hear me??”

Callum nodded slowly, pressing another kiss to Ben’s hair. 

“You don’t owe me anything either, I’d have done the same any day. I can’t lose you, Ben. I love you too much.”

Ben smiled at Callum, looking exhausted himself. 

“I’d love you even more if next time you listen to me and not come to the beach in the Winter?”

“Noted.” Callum nodded, stroking Ben’s hair. “Your still shaking so much.”

“That’s cos I’m bloody freezing and not drying at all?!” Ben smiled. “I’ll be okay.” Ben added, looking at Callum, still looking terrified. 

“I wish I could do something else while we wait?”

“I’ve got you with me and you are keeping me warm a little bit. It’s just you I want.” Ben smiled. 

“I swear to god if you do this to me again, I’m gonna lock you in the bedroom forever.”

“As long as your locked in with me?” Ben grinned.


	16. If You Ever Fell, I’d Catch You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Flo
> 
> *Callum helps Ben to over come his fear of heights*
> 
> I know this isn’t Chrismassy and it probably should be one, but this was finished and others weren’t, so this it :) 
> 
> Merry Christmas to you all! X

“I’ve got a surprise for you?” Callum grinned, chucking himself down on the sofa, next to Ben. 

“Oo, what is it?” Ben smiled, immediately shuffling over to Callum and snuggling into his side. 

“I’m taking you to Blackpool for the day.”

“Blackpool? What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, there doesn’t have to be does there?”

“No, course not, just wondered why your treating me again?”

“Cos I love you.” Callum smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “Just wanted to do something nice for you, cos you’ve been stressed with work and Lex and basically everything possible. Thought you could do with some de-stressing?”

“What did I do to deserve you, eh?” Ben sighed with content, closing his eyes. 

“Come on, you can’t go to sleep on me again, we’ve got places to be, chips to eat!” Callum grinned, jumping off the sofa and dragging Ben with him. 

~*~

“Thanks for today, it’s been lovely.” Ben smiled, walking along the beach slowly, holding Callum’s hand. 

“We haven’t finished yet?” Callum grinned, holding the bag out for Ben to take another chip. 

“Mm?” Ben hummed in response whilst eating it. 

“I wanna go up there!” 

“What, where?” Ben frowned. 

Callum gave the chips to Ben, standing behind him. 

Callum turned Ben’s head up, before wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist instead, resting his head on his shoulder. 

“Up there.” Callum whispered.

“The Tower...” Ben squeaked out.

“Yeah? I know it ent exactly the Eiffel Tower, but we’ve got so much time for that.”

“Yeah...” Ben sighed, feeling himself go warm. 

“You coming then?” Callum grinned, pressing a quick kiss to his neck and standing next to him again. 

“No, you go, I’ll wait here...” Ben whispered, nervously shoving chips into his mouth. 

“What’s wrong?” Callum frowned, looking at Ben staring up at it, looking so pale. He looked like he was going to pass out. 

“Nothing.” Ben whispered, desperately trying to swallow. 

“Well then, we haven’t got all day. I’m not going up there on my own. I want you with me?” Callum smiled, squeezing his hand, Ben whining inwardly being dragged along by Callum. 

He could feel his chest getting tighter, every muscle in his body screaming at him to slow down. 

“I can’t!” Ben cried, gripping onto Callum’s hand for dear life, stopping in his tracks at the bottom of the Tower. 

“What do you mean?” Callum frowned, stopping next to Ben. 

“I can’t go up there?!”

“I thought you wanted to?”

“No! I really can’t go up there, Callum. You don’t understand, I physically can’t go up there?!”

Ben dropped Callum’s hand, tugging at his shirt from his neck trying to loosen it. He felt like it was choking him, needing air that wasn’t helping at all. 

Callum simply undid some of his buttons for him, Ben gripping the front of his shirt instead. 

"I'm fine!” Ben shouted, his breathing becoming erratic.

"Ben.” Ben heard Callum talking to him, but was too busy trying to breathe. 

“Come on, Ben, you need to breathe for me-“

“I can’t fucking breathe, Callum, it feels like I’m dying?!”

“You aren’t dying, I promise you. It’s just a panic attack-“

“Just?!” Ben seethed, panting now, his head becoming sweaty. 

Callum took Ben’s head in his hands, Ben whining to himself beginning to sink to the floor.

Callum went down with him, still holding him. "Ben, breathe with me. Breathe in for three, let it out for three."

Ben nodded, desperately trying to breathe through his mouth. 

“That’s it, your okay.”

“I’m not, I’m not.” Ben whined, looking up at Callum kneeling in front of him. 

“You are.” Callum nodded. “That’s it, in and out, do it with me.”

“I can’t do it, Callum...”

“You can, just stop talking to me and concentrate on breathing for me.”

Ben nodded quickly, breathing rapidly, not choking out his breaths anymore, still trying to slow down. 

“There we go, your doing it?”

Ben looked at Callum, grounding him, gripping onto his hands. 

Callum kept talking to him, helping Ben to get his breathing back to normal for a few minutes before Ben finally began to relax a little. 

The tears that followed were no surprise. Callum shuffled back round to the side, gathering Ben in his arms, sobbing to himself. 

Ben held onto him, Callum pressing light kisses on his hair, still whispering to him, trying to calm him down. 

“I’m sorry...” Ben whispered after a while, drying his eyes, pressing himself into Callum’s side. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for?”

“For scaring you...”

“Your afraid of heights aren’t you?” Callum whispered, rubbing his hand down Ben’s side. 

Ben nodded slowly, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Have you always been scared, or more recently?”

“Ever since I was little.” Ben whispered. “I remember being on the roof of the Vic once with Dad, helping Gran put the Christmas stuff up for the roof and I was convinced I was gonna fall...”

Callum looked at Ben, looking so pale just at the thought of it. He looked like he could be sick at any moment. 

“I’ve just avoided it ever since, if I could?”

“What about the times you’ve been to Blackpool before?”

“Jay and Lo took Lex up, I made up some excuse...”

“How come I didn’t know this? Did I?” Callum frowned, trying to ever if Ben had actually told him. “Have I known your afraid of heights?”

“No, I’ve never said anything about it?”

“Thought we told each other everything.” Callum smiled. 

“I have, apart from this...”

“It’s okay to be scared of something?”

Ben looked up at Callum slowly, speaking so softly to him. 

“It doesn’t make you any less? You always try and be who people always think you are but you don’t need to be with me, yeah?”

Ben nodded, gripping onto his hand. 

“It’s okay to be vulnerable. But I would never ever take you somewhere if I didn’t think it was safe or you were in danger.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Ben smiled. 

“Do you just wanna go home? You look like you need a lie down?”

Ben shook his head slowly looking at Callum. 

“I don’t want to be scared? You probably think I’m stupid?”

Callum held Ben’s face in his hands, getting him to look at him. 

“I’d never think that? I promise. I’m not gonna make you if you really don’t want to.”

“I want to, I just feel like I can’t...”

“Are you scared of physically being up there or the idea of falling?”

“Both? I just don’t like it. But I want to, as long as I’ve got you with me.”

“I won’t leave your side.” Callum nodded quickly, standing up and pulling Ben up with him. 

Ben looked up at the Tower slowly, feeling himself feel so warm again. 

“You sure about this?”

Ben nodded, locking his hand around Callum’s. 

“The lift bit is fine cos my head’s telling me I’m inside, but the top, think my head has a meltdown.”

“I know you can do this.” Callum smiled. “I’ll follow you this time.”

Ben nodded, taking Callum with him. 

“You okay?” Callum whispered when they’d finally got in the lift, waiting for any other people to go. Ben was adamant he was only going in if it was just the two of them in there. 

“I can’t guarantee that I’m not gonna be sick on you...” 

Callum squeezed his hand, looking at Ben, closing his eyes, white as a sheet as Callum stepped just outside into a smaller room. 

“I’ll cope.” Callum smiled. 

“I don’t think I can do this...” Ben whined, his breathing getting quicker by the second. He only stepped out of the lift at the last second before the doors closed any hope of turning back gone.

Callum held Ben’s face in his hands, lifting his head up gently. 

“Look at me, Ben?”

Ben looked up slowly, searching Callum’s eyes. 

“You are amazing, I love you and you can do this.” Callum nodded, stroking his hair back. 

“Not sure about two of those things.”

“Better not be that I don’t love you.” Callum smiled. 

Ben shook his head instead, standing rooted to the spot. 

“Hold my hands. I won’t let you go I promise.”

Ben gripped onto both his hands, feeling the nausea wash over him as Callum stepped out himself. It even scared him at the thought of Callum being this high up too. 

If he held his hand any tighter, Callum thought he might break his hand. 

“That is glass, Callum?! You can see the ground if I look down and I can promise you, I will be sick as soon as I step out onto it!”

“I’m here. I’m not gonna let you fall. It’s perfectly safe. Don’t look down, look at me.”

Callum took a small step backwards, taking Ben with him. Ben was too busy trying to breathe normally and focusing on Callum to notice. 

“Talk to me.” Callum whispered, stroking his thumbs across Ben’s hands. 

“About what?” He hoped Callum hadn’t noticed his voice was suddenly octaves higher. “You better be taking me somewhere nice after this.” Ben seethed. 

“Wherever you want.” Callum nodded.

“Bed?”

Callum laughed at Ben, the slightest smile on his face now. “Trust you to be still thinking about sex?”

“You said anywhere?!”

“Whatever you wanted.” Callum grinned. “If that’s what you want, who am I to say no?”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”

"Hey, Ben, guess what?” Callum whispered. 

“What...” Ben whispered, still gripping onto Callum’s hands and looking at him. 

"You’ve not even realised your standing on the other side since we've walked out of the lift?”

Callum smiled at Ben, his face overtaken by shock. "Wait, what? Oh shit.” Ben cursed looking down then back up again quickly. 

“Hey, your alright? Your standing right here and your not panicking? I knew you could do it.”

“I can’t even remember walking this far?”

“I can be very distracting.” Callum grinned. 

“Your amazing, you know that?”

Ben let go of one his hands slowly, standing next to him still. 

“I didn’t do anything, you came up here.” Callum smiled, wrapping his arm around Ben’s waist. 

“It’s actually quite nice up here?” Ben whispered, after a while.

“Really?” Callum looked at Ben, resting his head on Callum’s shoulder looking out at the sea. 

“Yeah? As long as I hold onto you though?” He smiled. 

“I promised I wouldn’t let you go. You feeling alright?”

“Still a bit queasy, but I’ll be okay. Think your safe from me being sick on you?”

“I’m so proud of you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss on his head.

“I don’t think I could have got up here without you.”

“That’s my job now.” Callum smiled. “Keeping you safe.”

“I love you so much, Cal.”

“I love you too.” Callum whispered, still holding Ben’s hand, the other wrapped around his waist. ”So if I did happen to surprise you and take you to Paris one day you’d come with me, up the Eiffel Tower?”

“I’ll go anywhere with you.” Ben smiled. “One condition though?”

“Yeah?” Callum frowned, squinting at Ben, that knowing look in his eye. 

“As long as they’ll be a ring involved at the top?” Ben grinned.


	17. Turn Me Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Nina & Clo
> 
> *Ben has a horrendous car accident and Callum and his partner, Steph, are the paramedics sent to the devastating scene.*
> 
> It’s a bit graphic, with blood and car accident details in general, so please don’t read it if this will upset you!

“Right, you drive Steph, I’ll need to work out what we’re dealing with?”

“Yup, told us it’s a road just outside of Walford. Silver Audi, pretty new and a 4x4?”

Callum joined him in the ambulance, reading the information. 

“The 4x4 came too fast round the corner, smashed straight into the Audi?” Callum frowned. “Blimey how much damage can one car do?”

“There’s some crazy people out there, at least a car accident once a week round here.”

“Young male, mid twenties? Another ‘bout thirty.”

They arrived in quick time, both hurrying out of the ambulance. 

Callum grimaced at the sight, one car smashed at the front, the other completely turned upside down. Sometimes he’d wished he wasn’t a paramedic because of scenes like this, maybe a simple office job? But kept reminding himself he wanted to save people after he’d come back from the army. It had always felt like his duty to keep protecting people. 

“What does that reg say...” Callum whispered. 

“What?” Steph looked at Callum, looking so pale, usually so professional but now reduced to looking like he was going to throw up. 

“Read it out loud?!” Callum cried. 

“PR20 BHG?”

“Nonono! This can’t be happening...”

“It’s a bit of a mess?” Steph frowned. 

“Why does this always happen to me?!” 

“Your making no sense?? You’ve seen this before?”

All he can see is Ben’s Audi turned on it’s top, steam coming out the back. 

The windows are too dark to see inside, especially from this far away. 

He needs to be closer. He needs to be closer, now. Maybe Ben wasn’t driving it? Maybe someone had nicked it and it wasn’t him?

“Callum, careful yeah? You don’t know if it’s safe, yet?”

“I don’t care?! That is Ben’s car?!”

“Your boyfriend?”

“No, my next door neighbour, yes my boyfriend, Steph?! I can’t just stay here...”

He didn’t care if he was putting himself in danger right now, all he wanted was to get Ben out. 

“I swear I didn’t see him?!” 

Callum looked up the driver of the other car, seemingly okay, a few scratches grazing his face. 

“What the hell were you doing driving that fast?!”

“I only went round the corner??””

“Clearly at some speed?! This whole area would not look this if you were driving at a normal speed?!”

“Is he alright?”

“It doesn’t look like it to me?! What would you think if the fucking car is upside down?!”

“Hey, calm down, we’re gonna get him out, yeah?” Steph tried. “Just stay away from the car?” He aimed at the other guy.

Callum shook his head, trying to hope he was dreaming that it wasn’t Ben right there. 

He ran the rest of the way, dropping onto the floor by the car, pulling open the door. 

Ignoring Steph as he called his name, he doesn’t think, just acts. 

“Ben?! Talk to me, please, at least do something...”

Callum tried to keep himself together, looking at the state of Ben. He pushed himself half in the car, scrapes and cuts littering Ben’s face, that the only thing that was the least damage to him. 

Callum looked back up at him, as he made a small moan, half conscious. 

“Ben? I’m right here, I’m gonna help you, somehow...”

“I’m gonna check the other guy over, then I’ll be right back, yeah?”

Callum ignored Steph, taking in the scene. 

Glass is shattered, paperwork from the garage everywhere, a to-go cup is spilling coffee, and Ben is hanging, pressed against his seatbelt, blood trickling down from his hair. 

This image forever burned into Callum’s brain, of Ben in pain, arm twisted unnaturally, something in his leg too. 

Gently, forcing himself to calm down for Ben’s sake, he places his hands on his shoulders, holding more tightly than he means to, making himself whine slightly. 

~*~

Ben’s head is pounding, throbbing like someone’s just hit him with a baseball bat. Though the origin is coming from his left temple and below, the pain is all encompassing, through his whole body, travelling through to his legs. 

Ben lets out a low whine, suspended against his seatbelt. Sluggishly, like his whole world is in quicksand, the paramedic tries to tell him to open his eyes, but light filters in and he closed them at once when nausea rolls over him in waves. 

Ears ringing, he’s only vaguely aware of someone calling his name, sounding too much like Callum. Ben kept his eyes shut knowing his head was trying to play games with him. 

Though when the paramedic puts a hand on his shoulder and jostles him, another whine escapes his lips. Every movement of his body makes his head feel like it’s ripping in two. The thumping lines up with his heart beat, throbs pulsating through his skull. 

The pain hurts so much, he almost gags. Trying to twist away from the pain is no use, so he gives up, body tired. 

He can’t remember much of what happen, apart from the smash of the car, his mind only floats as he’s pulled back under into the pain. 

A pair of hands are on his shoulders again, this time they’re big and strong, holding onto him as if he may evaporate or shatter in a million pieces.

It causes more pain as it jerks his head, and once again he tries to shy away from whatever the culprit is. 

“Ben, come on, I need to help you, please, just let me, yeah?”

The voice is desperately worried. 

“Come on. Ben, honey, come on. I’m gonna try and get you out, I promise, I’ll try...”

He knows that voice but it’s like the name is just beyond reach. 

There’s a clicking noise and then his body is falling forward, but into someone arms. 

A loud noise hits his ears and more pain explodes somehow. 

“I’ve got you, baby, I’m gonna get you out of here.”

He somehow realised that the loud noises are coming from him, reacting to the movement, a loud ringing in his ears. 

The paramedic keeps trying to get him to talk but he can’t think of what to say, can’t really think at all. His brain supplies him with one word. 

“Cal...” 

“Your gonna be fine, I’m here, Ben... and Steph is here too to help. Just checking the other person... back over soon...”

“Who....” Ben whispered, frowning at only catching a few words at a time. 

“Steph, my partner.”

“I am....”

“I know you are, you muppet. I meant my paramedic partner silly.”

Ben whined, as Callum tried to shuffle them both back out, moaning at the pain searing through his body. 

“I’m right here baby, I’m right here. It’s okay, you’re going to be okay, I promise, Ben. You have to be okay.” 

Callum. He needs Callum. He’s the only person who can help him. He loves Callum. Callum’s safe and warm and will protect him. If he’s going to die, he wants Callum. 

“Your gonna be fine...” Callum whispered again. 

“How’s he doing?” Steph asked, joining them again. “The other guys alright at the moment. Ben looks like he’s seen better days.”

“This isn’t funny?! He can’t die!” Callum cried. 

“I’m not laughing, I wouldn’t. We just need to get him away from the car, you don’t know if the petrol tank has burst or something?”

Callum nodded, trying to get a grip under Ben’s shoulders. 

“Be careful. He’s got something in his leg, I think it’s glass and I don’t know what else damage has happened to him yet...”

Steph nodded, helping carrying Ben off the road, lying him gently in the grass away from the car. 

“Your okay.” Callum whispered, feeling so guilty at Ben whining to himself again. “I’m sorry darlin’, I had to move you?” 

Callum sighed to himself, knowing Ben probably didn’t know anything that was happening. 

“Cal...” Ben moaned again, looking up at Callum but not ‘seeing’ him. 

“I’m right here baby, I’m right here. It’s okay, you’re going to be okay, I promise.”

Callum managed to get Ben out of his jacket, trying to ignore the blood from his head on it, using it to make a makeshift sling for his arm. 

“You have to be okay?”

Because it’s true. He has to be okay. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Ben’s not. He can’t lose him in his life. 

He watches Ben’s eyes flutter open as Steph is searching for something in the bag beside them. 

Callum’s brow furrows and he clenches his jaw as he watches Ben drain of colour, moaning to himself. Something’s obviously wrong, much more than just a small cut to his head. 

“Steph... Steph?!” 

Callum stroked Ben’s sticky blood-soaked hair back, not hearing Steph speak to him, but it’s too late, Ben’s gagging and then jerking forward, vomiting onto the ground beside them, crying out at the pain shooting through him at the sudden movement.

“I’m sorry?” Callum whispered, trying to keep him upright, growing heavy in his arms. He didn’t know what he was apologising for, wishing he could take some of the pain for him. 

“Steph, we really need to take him now?” Callum spoke urgently, closing his eyes, as Ben threw up again. 

“Try not to panic?”

“I can’t! He looks like a state on the outside and we ent got a clue what’s going on inside? He’s just gonna keep being sick?!”

~*~

Eyes fluttering open again, Ben sees blue eyes meeting his, if only for a second. 

He’s no longer suspended. Instead, he’s on grass? It looked like grass, something green? And he’s in someone’s arms, another person beside him. 

Forcing his eyes to stay open, his vision cleared for a second, finding Callum again, who’s wearing a desperate, pained expression. 

“C-Cal?” The word is choked out, pain overwhelming him again. It crashes into him, and then nausea on top of that, causing him to gag, body jerking forward, stomach spasming, eyes shutting, trying to aim it at the side of him. 

He needs it to stop, needs the pain to go away. He’s not sure how much he can take. 

“Ben, it’s okay, you were in an accident? I know you probably don’t know what’s happening, but we’re gonna help you?” 

Ben closed his eyes again, Callum’s voice washing over him, the only thing he can work out right now, his brain offering him a tiny reminder that Callum’s as with him. 

Prying his eyes open once again when he feels something against his face. Callum is holding his head up gently with his hand, keeping him upright incase he’s sick again, not wanting him to choke. 

~*~

“You need to get the glass out his leg?” Callum frowned, feeling slightly sick himself, at the shard in his leg. 

“We just need to take him to hospital and let the doctors deal with this stuff. He’s probably got internal bleeding or something, that’s why he’s keeps being sick?”

“Deal with this stuff?! He’s really hurting, Steph! Please, I need him to be okay?”

Steph sighed, looking at Ben barely conscious in Callum’s arms, his eyes rolling back in his head. 

“If this wasn’t your boyfriend lying there...”

“Come on, it’s not like we’re not qualified?! You know what your doing. Screw protocol!”

Steph nodded, tearing a bigger hole in his jeans to get to the glass easier. 

Callum kept whispering to Ben, as Steph steeled himself, trying to get the shards out. 

Callum’s heart broke at Ben whining to himself, half heartedly trying to kick him away with his other foot. 

“Hey, hey sweetheart , it’s okay, Steph’s tryna help you. I know it hurts, but I’m here, yeah?”

“He doesn’t know what your saying at all? I think he’s too blinded by the pain?”

“He knows I’m here, I know it.” Callum nodded. “Just hurry up, yeah?”

“I’m working as fast as I can.”

“I know your hurting, Ben, it might feel a little better soon? Imma get you back to the hospital after this.”

Callum looked down at Ben grabbing his hand with his free arm, squeezing as hard as he could, trying to push himself further into Callum, away from Steph. 

“Try and keep him still?” Steph frowned. 

“I’m sorry, he’s just tryna get away from it. I’ll try?”

Callum adjusted Ben in his arms, lifting his chin up, Ben faintly opening his eyes to look at him.

“Just a little longer?” Callum whispered, holding him as still as possible, as he cried out again at Steph, trying to keep it clean. 

Ben lets out a whine, morphing into a low moan, trying not to gag. 

Callum looked at Ben, his voice is pained, twisted in a way he’s never heard it before. He’s sweaty and pale, but his cheeks are flushed bright red. 

“Cal’hurrs.” Ben mumbled, turning his head away. 

“Come on, your gonna be fine, just let me.” Callum whispered, lifting his head up again. Ben tried to pull his head away, growing tired quickly, letting Callum hold him. 

“I just wanna help you...”

~*~

A sharp pain jars him from any thoughts he might be coming up with, instead it pulsates through the left side of his head. Unable to do anything, he gags again, barely aware when more comes up, or that searing pain shooting through him. But he can feel a hand on his face again, making it the slightest bit easier by keeping his head up, but the pain soon overtakes everything again, moaning to himself. 

~*~

Callum felt like his heart was going to shatter, Ben whining to himself, actually crying, small tears slipping down his cheek, running into the blood down his face. 

“Steph, hurry up!” Callum cried. “He’s keeps being sick for a reason?! We need to go!”

The words are so loud Ben tries to move away, another almost inhuman whine escaping his lips. 

“I’m sorry, baby. What hurts? I don’t know what else is wrong...”

Ben whined to himself, trying to work out the voice. It feels like a different voice, sad, but familiar somehow? Ben whined to himself, not wanting this person. He needs Callum. 

“Callum…” 

“I’m right here honey, I’m not going anywhere. I love you...”

“Love...” Ben whispered, the only word he caught in this haze. He could have sworn Callum was here a few seconds ago, his head telling him it was someone different again. Too confusing for him to remember a thing.

“Your gonna be alright. We need to take him, Steph...”

“I know, I’ve sorted it as best I can right now, help me carry him to the van?”

Callum nodded, both of them managing to get Ben, in the ambulance, trying not to think about Ben whining to himself all the way. 

“I’ll drive, you sit with him. It’ll be better if your with him, he might know your there.”

~*~

“Can you try and tell me what hurts, Ben? Where else? I need to help you.”

Callum. He tried focusing on the person looking at him, pretty sure it was Callum. Maybe he was hallucinating, but it sounded like him too. He was sure it had been Callum this whole time, maybe he remembered.

The words they said to him register blearily in his brain that’s already foggy. 

“Head…” He gets the word out and more tears fall. He’s in so much pain. Maybe he’s dying. But he can’t be, because suddenly he’s moving, and the feeling of being jostled, combined with the pain and the fact his eyes are shut only serves to make him cough and gag again, being sick yet again. It felt like someone was trying to turn him inside out. 

He can hear Callum talking to someone but drifts in and out. 

When all he can focus on, aware that someone is holding his hand, trying to concentrate on the feeling, instead of the pain. 

Someone is still talking at him, but his brain isn’t willing to cooperate anymore, not taking in any of it. 

~*~

Callum sat next to Ben, holding his free hand, stroking his hair back gently, whispering to him on the way. 

“You doing alright back there?” Steph called. 

“I suppose, he’s no different, been sick again twice...”

“And you?”

“I’m sorry I’m not being professional or whatever. I should be, I’m not usually like this.”

“It’s fine, he’s your boyfriend I know your scared too.”

Looking back, he sees Ben has shut his eyes again. 

“Ben, come on, I need you to stay with me.”

Ben shook his head slowly, small whimpers escaping his lips. 

Callum can see he’s terrified, if not a little confused. His face is contorting in pain, blood still trickling down his face from his hair somewhere. 

When he lets out a heartbreaking whine, he bites his lip. “Hey, hey sweetheart, it’s okay, we’re in an ambulance, We’re gonna get a doctor to look after you?”

Callum gently placed the back of his hand on Ben’s forehead, even that slight touch, making Ben moan. His whole body is on fire, hot from the adrenaline and the pain. 

Callum feels almost dizzy with the need for Ben to be okay. 

“Cal’hurrs’.” The slur in his voice puts Callum on edge. 

“What hurts Ben? Come on honey, what hurts?” He feels like he’s going to lose his mind, like he might actually explode. Doesn’t he understand it’s the only way he can help him? Callum cursed himself for getting impatient, knowing Ben was too out of it to understand. 

“Side...” Ben moaned, frowning to himself. 

“Your side??”

“In...”

Callum sighed, not sure what he was trying to tell him. 

“N’side...”

“Inside? I’m so sorry, baby. We’re going as fast as we can. You’ll be okay soon.”

“Vwhere...”

“I know you hurt everywhere, you’ll be okay soon, I promise.”

Callum stroked the side of Ben’s face, holding his other hand. He’s unaware of what sets Ben off this time, but he’s going pale again, not that he really regained color the first time, gagging long enough that Callum’s able to put a bucket out in front of him right before he throws up again. 

“How long are we gonna be, he’s practically emptying his insides? There’s definitely something worse wrong with him...”

“We’re nearly there, just a few more minutes.” Steph replied quickly. 

“Ben needs to get there now?? He has concussion and his head is still bleeding. He’s keeps throwing up. His leg is still bleeding, he’s broke his arm, and I ent got a clue right now what’s going on in the inside!” Callum sighed to himself, hating the list of reasons why Ben was in so much pain. “I can’t lose him...” Callum hears his own voice cracking, looking at Ben, closing his eyes, trying not to be sick again. 

“We’re here, we’re here.” Steph told him, jumping out and joining Callum in the back. “Your not gonna lose him.”

Callum looked at Steph, looking determined, both of them taking Ben inside, immediately greeted by a nurse. 

Steph explained all the injuries and details for him, as Ben was taken down the corridor, Callum sighing to himself, wanting to stay with him. 

“Why don’t you stay here and wait for Ben? I need to get back out there I think I’ll get the others to come with me.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, course. Be with your boyfriend.”

“Thank you.” Callum smiled, looking back at the direction Ben went. 

Steph pat him on the back, noting the direction Callum was staring in. “Hang in there, yeah? I’m sure he’ll be okay?”

“I hope so...” Callum whispered, sinking down into the chair. 

~*~

Callum looked up at the nurse walking quietly into Ben’s room, a while later. 

“I just wanna know the finer details, I already know the rest.” Callum said quickly, desperately needing to know if Ben was going to be okay. “It’s summut internal?”

“Ben kept being sick because he’s effectively bruised the whole of his inside as well as his outside. He’s knocked most of his organs, shaking him up. It’s just his body’s way of trying to get what’s wrong out of his system, even though there was nothing to come out? He’s got concussion so his head is confused what he’s experiencing.”

“He’ll be okay?” 

“Give it time and I’m pretty sure he will. His arm will heal and he’s had stitches in his leg. He’ll need some strong painkillers but he should be okay.”

“Thank you.” Callum nodded, looking at Ben still asleep. 

~*~

“Hey...” Callum whispered, smiling at Ben fluttering his eyes open slowly, frowning to himself. “Your in the hospital, you probably can’t remember.”

“What happened...”. Ben’s voice was sluggish, probably the painkiller starting to wear off. 

“You had a car accident.” Callum whispered to him, not wanting to be too loud. 

Ben nodded slowly, closing his eyes at the feel of Callum’s fingers in his hair, stroking him gently. 

“Do you remember?”

“I remember a car flying round the corner and after that? Not much...”

“Me and Steph came to help you. You were pretty out of it. I’d be surprised if you could remember all that bit.”

“I was so sure it was you?”

“It was me.” Callum smiled. “I told Steph you’d know it was me.”

“I need to thank Steph too, you both saved my life.”

“I’d have done it anyway, even if I wasn’t a paramedic. I love you too much to lose you.”

“Will I live then doctor?” Ben gave Callum a small smile, wincing at the pain. 

“Take it easy, yeah? You’ve had a serious knock to your head. Technically I ent a doctor, but they told me you should be okay if you just rest. I’ll explain everything properly in detail later, why don’t you try and go back to sleep for abit?”

Ben nodded slowly, lacing his free hand around Callum’s. 

“I’ll still be here when you wake up. I’ll look after you.”

Callum smiled at Ben already drifting back off, not hearing him. 

“I love you.” He whispered, stroking his hair as he slept.


	18. Take Me In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Hannah & voracious_reader70
> 
> *Ben comes home in a bad way, heavily bleeding, crying and in immense pain. Ben collapses in Callum’s arms. When Ben wakes up, its 4 days later and he’s in hospital, in Intensive Care. Callum is sat at his bedside holding his hand and stroking his hair.*
> 
> I’m sorry about this one, I’m still not happy with it, but it’s here. :)

Callum. Callum would know what to do. He always does. 

Ben whined to himself, clutching his side with one hand, bracing his hand on the wall next to him with the other, dragging himself along. 

One minute, he was in the club, then he was down an alleyway, a guy attacking him. 

Callum. The only thing running through his mind. 

Ben took his hand away from his waist, moaning the sight of more blood, running down his side. Sighing to himself, grabbing his phone from his pocket anyway. If he could just ring Callum, maybe he’d get there quicker. 

The screen cracked, Ben cursing at no battery life either, gripping onto his side again instead, making his way slowly in the direction of home and Callum. 

Ben dragged himself through the front door, already open, hoping that was a sign that Callum was in. 

Ben jumped, the wind taking the door, slamming behind him. 

“Ben?? Is that you?” 

Ben let his tears fall, at hearing Callum’s voice, sobbing to himself. 

“Where you been all night, I’ve been worried sick, I thought...”

Callum trailed off, taking in the sight of Ben. 

“I really need you...” Ben whispered. 

“What happened?!” Callum cried, rushing over to him. 

“Really hurts...” Ben moaned, tears streaming down his face. 

“Come ‘ere, come in here.” 

Callum wrapped his arm around Ben’s waist, making him whine at the pain in his side. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry?” Callum whispered, moving his hand slightly, already covered in Ben’s blood. 

They both walked slowly through to the living room, Callum half carrying him, Ben limping along with him. 

Ben shook his head, moaning, struggling to breathe, sobbing to himself. 

“Don’t worry, your gonna be fine.” Callum told him, not even knowing what had happened or what was wrong yet, trying to convince them both. 

“I can’t!” Ben whined, dropping onto the sofa. 

Callum sat down next to him, lifting his head up in his hands, more blood from the side of his head running onto Callum’s hand. 

“Did someone hurt you?”

Ben nodded, looking at Callum, grounding him. 

“Where else are you hurt, apart from your head and your side??”

“All hurts...” Ben whispered, closing his eyes, sliding further down on the sofa. 

“Nonono, Ben, come on, I need you to stay with me, keep your eyes open for me.”

Callum tried to hold his head up, growing heavier in his hands. 

“Ben, please, you gotta try?”

Ben looked at Callum through heavy eyes, small tears still running down his face. 

“Hospital...” Callum muttered to himself, standing up. “I need to get you to a hospital.”

Ben shook his head, still clutching his side. 

“Why don’t you want me to take you?” Callum frowned. 

“I can’t...”

“You can. We’ll do it together, yeah?”

Ben whined as he half dragged himself off the sofa, Callum helping him up. 

“Your alright, your gonna be okay.”

“I can’t...” Ben whispered. 

Callum looked at Ben, as his eyes rolled back, blacking out, dropping into Callum’s arms. 

“No, come on, Ben, you can’t do this to me?!” Callum cried, pulling Ben into his lap, grabbing his phone, calling an ambulance instead. 

~*~

“Ben! Your actually okay...” Callum whispered, watching him open his eyes slowly, squeezing them shut again at the bright light.

Ben whined to himself, feeling Callum’s hand in his, more pain washing over him.

“Your alright.” Callum whispered, stroking his hair back out his eyes. “I know your hurting, but it’ll get better, I promise. It’s cos you’ve just woken up, your bound to be feeling it now.”

Ben gave the smallest nod, trying to concentrate on Callum stroking his hair softly instead of the hurt.

“They messed you up a bit. Hence being in ICU for 4 days.”

“4?!” Ben croaked, his voice dry. 

“Yeah. Your gonna be okay, though, I promise. You were on a ventilator. He seriously hurt you. But they took you off it this morning.”

“Feel like someone’s got my head in a vice...” He whispered. 

“You’ll feel better soon, I’m sure. You just need more painkillers. Why would someone even hurt you?”

“This guy came outta nowhere.”

“You said someone had hurt you but you were too busy tryna keep yourself awake.”

“Can’t remember much after that. Only tryna get myself to you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there straight away.” Callum whispered. 

“I tried calling you, but my phone died.”

“Typical you that.” Callum smiled. 

“The one time I forget to check...”

“Your gonna be okay.” Callum whispered, trying to reassure him. “Can’t say the same about the sofa though? You kinda ruined it, but I’ll live with that?” 

“Never liked it anyway.” Ben managed a weak smile.

“That’s news to me!”

Ben shrugged, closing his eyes again, concentrating on Callum gently playing with his hair. 

“Get some rest.” Callum whispered to him, knowing he was tired again already. “Then when your better, you can pick whichever sofa you like.” Callum smiled. “I love you.”

Ben nodded slowly, adjusting his grip in Callum’s hand, still stroking him lightly. “Love you.”


End file.
